I remember when I was nearing the end of kindergarten, my teacher vehemently urged my parents to hold me back because of my apparent lack of social skills. Luckily my parents had a little more common sense and faith in me and didn’t follow her recommendation. And because of that faith, I ended up excelling in school, with my name consistently on the honor roll and graduating with honors cords around my neck.

“My first language was shy. It’s only by having been thrust into the limelight that I have learned to cope with my shyness.” Al Pacino

Outsiders looking in tend to find my disposition out of place when they meet my crazy loud Italian mother, confident father, and outgoing sisters. Obviously I was not raised in a setting conducive to creating such a timid and socially anxious young woman.

The internal struggle resulting from this contradiction made me realize that in regards to the argument of nature vs. nurture, nature definitely (and unfortunately) won when it came to molding a big portion of my personality. I ended up learning that both of my parents were extremely shy when they were my age as well as my crazy Italian grandmother (who I believe is the loudest person on this side of the Atlantic now).

And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve actually learned to embrace who I am. (Really, what’s the point in not?!) A recent New York Times article even argues that shyness and introversion are evolutionary tactics to enhance a species’ chance of survival. Evolutionary biologist David Sloan Wilson performed an experiment with pumpkinseed sunfish in which the more socially outgoing individuals ended up being caught, while the shyer and more timid ones ended up “surviving”.

Studies and experiments like this help show that everyone has a place and purpose in society. Type B’s are just as important as the A’s. We may not spew our personalities out on others 24/7 but we are just as intelligent, hard-working, and friendly.

“The flower that smells the sweetest is shy and lowly.” William Wordsworth

I personally believe that every single person holds some sort of value and is important and I fail to see the point in picking on someone for something that they can’t (or can only partially) control. No one in their right mind would discriminate against someone else for having different innate characteristics like skin color or sexual preference.

So why try to make me feel bad for having a personality I was essentially born with?

Unfortunately, I think a lot of the time, intolerance can stem from simple differences in personalities that other more open-minded people overlook. But how are we ever going to establish healthy and diverse workplaces and friendships if we don’t accept and appreciate each other for who we are?

Content source: Why Shyness is an Asset to a Diverse Workplace

What is a big deal is when someone consistently shows up late and their work performance is, well let’s just say, less than to be desired.

Think about it. Would you have respect for someone who showed up at least once a week late for work and had no real excuse? Or would you respect the hard worker that got caught in traffic or had to take their child to the doctor every once in awhile?

Sadly, that’s the decision a lot of managers have to make and sometimes the people who deserve respect are the ones that get punished when policies are created for all employees to abide by, not just the people who break the rules.

As a manager, it may be more beneficial to look at each individual employee, their specific personal issues and most importantly their performance before creating large-scale policies. You may even find that employees will respect the organization even more, since respect is a two-way street.

Content source: Respect Tip: Be on Time

The use of respectful language, therefore, encourages people to take responsibility for what they say and think about the impact of the ideas behind their words. Particularly at work, professionals have a duty to remove the discrimination some groups face, with that comes a need to learn about language ownership and group identity. Using a research methodology that also respects the principles of Asset-Based Community Development, the interviews gave people opportunity for a dialogue that supports reflection for action.

The development of respectful language is one way of engaging an entire community of practice in cultural change. The purpose is not to identify ‘good’ or ‘bad’ words in order to define correct terminology once and for all. It is about a shared authority, in this context, leadership activity may be viewed as conversations between individuals from different groups to increase awareness of different experience.

Five things I learned from this research:

1. Community: ‘A community of practice’ can be defined as a willing association of professionals, a diverse group working across institutions. There is a danger in the assumption that marginalised groups exist outside these typical social networks. Therefore working with a community approach makes entitlement clear – stating an expected sense belonging. A statement against the segregation, that can fragment groups and threaten relationships within communities.
2. Respect: is a demonstration of empathy, a mindful and proactive activity. Empathy requires intentional thinking, the recognition that other people’s feelings and circumstances are separate from our own, and a willingness to act appropriately in response to these. Respectful language, therefore, begins with an intention to respond to what others actually want. Showing respect does not involve benevolence or guess work, or simply giving what we are comfortable with having identified as a need – it is a conversation.
3. Reflection for action: Stereotypes tend to fit with our existing worldview, so addressing our own thinking requires an external – participation in a different experience. An understanding of our learning may secure a better judgement, but in conversations with others we gain different insights, feelings and perspectives that could lead to different understanding.
4. Leadership: requires confidence, helping others learn is a generous act, as a Leader a teacher is acting to prove their own worth but enabling others to grow theirs.
5. Professionalism: is about collective ideas, the co-construction of knowledge and the development of joint purpose. This is achieved through the process of creating a common language, one that reflects and affirms shared principles and equal humanity.

These findings demonstrate the asset-mapping of a worldwide community of practice and these ideas the gifts of professionals who gave their time so generously. Our conversations taught me we belonged to the same web of activity, a network of people who care deeply enough to express their commitment through daily activity that helps secure change to make shared vision a reality.

Content source: The Language of Respect

They have become a culture of ‘me’ and clearly it is not working. Imagine, if they all worked together and had a vested interest in the organization? Let’s go as far to visualize that they all respected one another too.

Now that seems like a place that you would look forward to going to in the morning. It might also be an organization with less turnover and more productivity. Just one little mind shift from ‘me’ to ‘we’ was all it took.

Content source: Respect Tip: Become “We”

More often than not, treating employees with respect comports with the myriad of legal requirements employers must follow. Every now and then, though, a situation arises where the seemingly respectful way to go is not necessarily the legal way to go.

Say an employee comes to her manager in confidence and shares that a co-worker said or did something sexually inappropriate. She tells the manager she does not want anyone to know and is confident she can handle the situation. She merely needed to vent. One could argue that the respectful approach would be for the manager to defer to the employee and maintain the confidence. But one would be wrong. The manager actually has an affirmative legal duty to report the potential harassment up the chain of command, most likely to Human Resources.

Why? According to the courts, the manager is the employer in the eyes of the law. Therefore, the courts will treat this scenario as if the employer knew about potential harassment but did nothing to stop it. I’ve seen this exact scenario lead to major liability for the employer.

So what’s the answer? Train all managerial and supervisory employees on how to appropriately respond to harassment in the workplace. Anything short of this could land you in legal hot water.

Content source: Respect and The Law: They Are Not Always the Same Thing

The phrase “give credit where credit is due” is attributed to Samuel Adams in a letter he wrote in the late 18th century. But his sentiment is as strong today as it was then.

Every respectful leader knows how integral it is to give staff credit when good work is completed. Not only does it enhance the collaborative effort of the team but it strengthens the leader. A leader willing to demonstrate ethical behavior will likely be in higher favor than say, the leader, who steals your idea and takes the credit.

Which leader would you rather be?

Content source: Respect Tip: Give Credit Where Credit is Due

One of the most fascinating perspectives I’ve read recently was in Daniel Goleman’s book, Primal Leadershipi. Goleman refers to human beings as “open loop systems.” From an evolutionary perspective, our species is more connected to each other than we realize. Over the course of our evolution, human beings developed highly specialized brain circuitry that monitors other people when we’re in their presence. In psychology, it’s referred to as Theory of Mind, the ability to identify mental states such as beliefs in ourselves and others, and to realize those beliefs can be different from ours. Our brains can then do their best to understand other people’s intentions. At a basic level, think of it as each of us having our own, personal threat detection system.

“The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain.” Daniel Goleman

From an evolutionary perspective, this makes complete sense. The ability to predict accurately the peaceful or hostile intentions of new people or animals, literally, promoted the longevity of our species. What is fascinating about this circuitry is that it’s forever in the “on” mode. What this means is that we’re always monitoring other people around us and they’re doing the same. Our conclusions about the intentions of others have a profound effect on how the rest of our brain functions. Informed by inputs from our five senses, our brains perform a delicate and instinctual dance every day in the name of self-preservation.

Armed with this complex warning system, the human brain is the world’s most sophisticated survival computer ever developed. Whenever our senses pick up cues that could indicate that we are or could be in the presence of danger, ancient neural pathways activate to get us out of harm’s way as quickly and effectively as possible. This is the realm of fight or flight. So powerful are these impulses that they literally commandeer the brain and order all other non-essential thinking functions to go dormant. This means that all of our higher-order brain capabilities, such as problem solving, reasoning, evaluating alternatives, planning, socializing and empathizing are subordinated to protecting ourselves in the presence of perceived threats. This includes more than just physical threats; it also includes threats to our emotional well-being, social status, financial security and future opportunities.

Conversely, when we interpret cues from others to mean that we are safe in their midst, our higher-level thought processes go back on-line and we return to a normal level of thinking and intellectual/operational output. This “all systems safe” mode of brain function is hopefully where most of us spend the majority of our waking hours getting things done for our employers, families and selves. From a workplace perspective, there is a mode that‘s more beneficial and desirable than “all systems safe.” It is the mode in which we function when we perceive ourselves to be free from danger and in the presence of those who appreciate us, value what we contribute and deem our best effort as being essential to the overall success of the group. It is also the mode in which we are constructively challenged, given opportunities and resources to be successful, and can share in the rewards of our collaboration with others. When we operate in this type of rich, stimulating and emotionally nourishing environment, our brains are more productive than normal. They release powerful neurotransmitters that stimulate our creativity, desire to work collaboratively and allow us to find deep personal satisfaction in our work. This is the Respect Effect.

RESERVE YOUR COPY NOW!

Content source: Our Literal Connection to Each Other

When I was able to have interns or other staff members who reported to me I made a point to be a good role model. Respect is created as part of an active process that starts with engagement. What I notice most about these anti-role models, as I look back, is that they used their energy in a nonproductive way leading straight into the land of disengagement for the staff they managed.

So what did I do differently?

The first thing  I did was to realize that it wasn’t always about what I did, but how I made people feel about themselves. I never shied away from a compliment for a job well done or a private chat about something that they could improve. And most of all, I always walked the talk of greeting everyone with a pleasant smile and a sincere interest them.

Content source: Respect Tip: Be a Role Model

Until recently, I assumed that we would find that same small percentage reflected in our workplaces. Apparently I was wrong.  According to research by Dr. Robert Hare, the Canadian psychologist who co-authored Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths go to Work, the likelihood of finding a psychopath in your senior leadership team is 4 times higher than within the general population.

It seems that contemporary corporate culture, particularly within the financial services industry, provides the ideal environment for psychopaths; excessively narcissistic individuals who mimic rather than feel emotions, who lie, cheat, steal or harm with no feeling of remorse. Psychopaths are manipulative risk takers, knowing when and how to turn on the charm to get what they want, without caring who or what they destroy to get it.

The reason there is a much higher likelihood of finding them in the C-Suite is because they are drawn to position and power. They seek out situations that will provide them unfettered access to both. Unfortunately, far too many corporate cultures are structured to ensure their psychopathic desires are fulfilled.

They are welcomed into a workplace cleverly disguised as the “turnaround” guy. Charismatic and confident, they boast of moving from one company to another, hired to cut costs, trim the excesses, dispose of waste while getting  paid big bucks to do so. The damage and destruction they cause to corporate culture, morale, teamwork, employee health and turnover are rarely reflected in what gets captured in bottom line results.

According to British researcher Clive Boddy, author of the book “Corporate Psychopaths: Organizational Destroyers”, the 2007-2008 financial crisis may have resulted in the growing proliferation of psychopathic personalities in the C suite. “Psychopaths are great bullies. They are cunning and manipulative, and great at engineering situations. Although they don’t have emotions themselves, they can create emotional situations. The rest of us don’t even realize we’re being manipulated until it’s too late.”

Corporate psychopaths never stay in one company long enough to get caught, particularly as no one is really looking to catch them. Their lack of empathy, “tough love” managerial style  and interest in risk taking are often viewed as the kinds of traits that will provide that  competitive edge so many of today’s companies are seeking. Typical of those who engage in bullying behaviour, they are able to charm and manipulate those whose support they need, as they steal credit for the accomplishments of others who they coldly blame them for any problems or issues that arise during their brief tenure.

According to Paul Babiak, a New York industrial psychologist and co-author  with Dr. Hare of  “Snakes in Suits”, todays turbulent and challenging economic reality is creating “golden times for cold, career opportunists like psychopaths.”  In addition to the people costs listed above he has been documenting for over 16 years, Babiak is concerned about a new danger to companies who allow these individuals to infiltrate their ranks.

Corporate crime is on the rise. A November 2011 report by Price, Waterhouse Coopers shows a 13% increase in global economic crime since its 2009 world survey, with an average cost per company of $5 million. And most of the crimes are inside jobs: 56% of companies say the offenders were employees.

To ensure that you avoid the destructive and costly outcomes that result from in advertently hiring or harbouring a psychopath make sure to:

1. Develop a list of values based leadership competencies and ensure that every leader is hired and evaluated on the basis of those competencies.
2. Have rigorous and thorough hiring practices that mirror those routinely used by Employers of Choice and described in Chapter 5  in Road to Respect (Respectful Hiring). Structure multiple interviews with a host of different individuals, including those that the new leader will be supervising. Include questions or scenario based exercises that will allow you to assess the moral and ethical behaviors of prospective incumbents. Be rigorous in your reference checks, particularly if the individual has been moving from one company to another. Don’t just speak to someone in HR. Speak to individuals that worked directly with and for the prospective incumbent.
3. Build relationships across organizational power lines. The most effective way to expose a psychopath, or a leader who engages in power based bullying behaviour is through intentional relationship development. Every leader should know that his/her behavior will be assessed and evaluated by those that report to him/her, as well as those in other departments with whom they interact. A flatter organizational structure with a myriad of respectful cross hierarchical, cross functional and cross departmental relationships will ensure that bad behaviour has nowhere to hide.

We are currently witnessing just what psychopaths are capable of in the tragedy unfolding in Syria. Structures that allow for concentration of power encourage its abuse. Now is the time to take proactive steps to ensure that your workplace is truly values based. Hold leaders accountable to demonstrate their power respectfully. Make sure that psychopathy is not the path to success in your workplace.

Content source: Is There a Psychopath in Your C-Suite?

Early in my career, I was laid off, after less than a year, from my first job out of graduate school. Because I needed to pay my rent while looking for a new job, I decided to try temping.

While the experience left me with a ton of great stories and a new respect for the various service workers I encountered on a daily basis, working as a receptionist, it also allowed me to appreciate and acknowledge everyone’s story.

At one position, I worked alongside another temporary worker named Lisa. Lisa was nice, but she was always late. I mean everyday, she was 15 minutes to a half an hour late. I began to resent that I was always there on time but Lisa never was.

As I got to know her more and we became good friends, I learned that Lisa was a divorced mother of one, who lived with her parents all the way across town. And the reason she was late every morning was because she had to take her daughter to school then take the bus cross town, because she could not afford a car.

The next time you feel the need to judge someone, take a moment to learn about and acknowledge their story, because it may be very different from your own.

Content source: Respect Tip: Acknowledge Everyone’s Story

**Editor’s note: This is part of an ongoing series on generations in the workplace.

Anyone who has known me for more than five minutes will probably know how big of a Bob Dylan fan I am. I have the posters, bumper stickers, books, CDs, DVDs, shirts. I’ve seen him more than half a dozen times in concert.

Sometimes I wonder what attracts me, being born a couple decades late of Dylan’s “prime”, to this folk-rock legend.  In high school and college, I thought, “Man, this guy really understands love.” But now that I’m a little older, I’ve realized that his wisdom doesn’t end with love, rather, that’s where it begins.

Today, I was reminded of a lesser-known 1979 song of his called Do Right To Me Baby (Do Unto Others). It stresses the Golden Rule, especially in its chorus:

But if you do right to me, baby
I’ll do right to you, too
Ya got to do unto others
Like you’d have them, like you’d have them, do unto you

At first, it seemed to be a simple song based on an easy concept. But the thing is, sometimes being respectful and doing the right thing are difficult actions to follow through on. This is especially true when times get tough and work or home life (or both!) get stressful.

I will be the first to admit that I lose my cool from time to time, but it’s nice to have a reminder from someone I view as wise and inspiring that my behavior is entirely based on me. No matter how angry I get, I always have a choice:

How would I like to be treated?

Content source: Finding Respect in Rock ‘n’ Roll

In an article recently posted by Dr. Ellen Weber, she explains The Power of Moods and Choice. Our moods are a powerful tool that we may not realize have a huge impact on those around us. Dr. Weber discusses how our moods are a choice that impacts those around us.

If we choose to be a in a positive mood that allows serotonin to flow in our brains and the brains of those who are around us, we are on the right path. But if we opt instead for a mood that brings everyone down and fills our brains with cortisol, we are doing a disservice not only to our brains but to our productivity.

So today, mind your mood and choose a positive one!

Content source: Respect Tip: Mind Your Mood

But the courts are abundantly clear that it needs to happen, and fast.  “Prompt” and “thorough” are two of the buzzwords here. Not only that, but if a lawsuit ensues, the court will analyze the investigation – including the qualifications and capabilities of the investigator – to ensure it was up to legal snuff. And the sin qua non of a thorough investigation is a neutral, unbiased investigator.

That’s why enlisting the help of an outside investigator is imperative.

Assume for a moment that an employee complains to Human Resources that the CFO sexually harassed her. Further assume that Human Resources reports to the CFO. It would be difficult for the HR Director to conduct the investigation. Even if he or she could set aside any potential bias (say, in favor of keeping his or her job) and conduct an independent investigation, the appearance of partiality is unavoidable. In such a case it would behoove the employer to seek a truly independent investigator. So too if the allegations involve another high-ranking company official or very serious potential misconduct that seems likely to end up in court.

You’ll be glad to know we’ve added independent workplace investigations to our offerings. Our investigators are experienced and highly skilled.  So next time there’s a knock on your internal complaint door, just pick up the phone. You can rest easy knowing your workplace investigation is in the hands of the experts.

Content source: The Importance of Workplace Investigations

First, when you think about ‘open a door’ as a respect tip, I am sure you imagine a man holding a door open for a woman, right?! Of course, that’s what I thought first too. But opening the door for someone doesn’t have to regulated by gender. I’ve often held doors open for other women and highly advocate men doing this for other men.

What this creates is a general sense of respect not solely based on gender. It shows that you are courteous and aware enough to think about the person in front of you. And that builds respect for everyone.

On the other hand, opening the door for someone else can have a figurative meaning, especially if you think about it in a workplace setting. If you are a manager and you publicly praise your employees or give them opportunities to grow, then you are opening a door for them to their future.

Which door will you open for someone today?

Content source: Respect Tip: Open a Door

Throughout high school and college, I worked at the typical teenager/young adult jobs. There was a pizza place, a debt collection agency, and even a fancy restaurant in downtown Cleveland. They weren’t horrible jobs, and they paid alright, but I was usually miserable. I was treated like just another number in a high turnover position.

The pizza place hid me in the back because I wasn’t one of the pretty, perky, outgoing girls. The older women at the debt collection agency would ignore me when I said hello. And the restaurant downtown isolated me because I was shyer than the other hostesses. I never felt valued. I felt rejected just because I was a little different. The few respectful co-workers that I did encounter were the exception, not the rule.

I wondered if I would ever find a job that I loved and was also valued at. That’s why I am really fascinated with Legacy’s Connecting with Respect workshop. It teaches business professionals the foundations of respect and how to improve the culture in their workplace.  The program emphasizes the action of being curious instead of suspicious when one sees differences in another person. I find this idea incredibly important because for so long, I was merely seen and labeled as “the quiet girl” and any value and hard work I brought to the company was usually dismissed.

I think being able to see past these immediate labels and actually getting to know one’s co-workers is essential to a healthy culture in any organization. Dismissing someone just because they’re a little different could be detrimental and result in a great loss of talent.

Fairness, integrity, and respect should be taught and encouraged because as employee morale increases, so does the organization’s productivity. I’m very happy that Legacy practices what they preach and accepts me for who I am. Their faith in me enables me to do my best and take pride in what I do.  And I’m so glad that I can be a part of helping others create healthy and respectful workplaces as well.

Content source: What Generation Y Thinks About Respect

So why, in a heated argument, do we lose sight of the words that we use and just spout out the most hurtful things that come to our mind at that moment? It could be evolutionary in that we are feeling attacked and just want to protect ourselves and go into attack mode ourselves to do that.

But there must be a better way and here are some ideas that I came up which might help you (and me!) the next time a conflict arises between a loved one, colleague, or friend:

• Be thoughtful when choosing your words
• Choose words and language that empower
• Realize the impact

And above all, step back and take a deep breath!

Content source: Respect Tip: Choose Your Words Thoughtfully

Although, I had already been to Europe as a high school student, this was the first time I would be living there on my own, enrolling in a British University, and renting a room from a young Irish couple in the suburbs of London.

It was an experience I had been relishing and preparing for – for well, probably my entire life. Before I departed, I devoured all the reading material I could on living abroad trying to ensure that I would NOT be one of those ‘ugly Americans’ from the story above. I even packed my almost all black and grey wardrobe in equally dark colored suitcases and foolishly thought that I was set to seamlessly blend in abroad.

What I didn’t account for was that, although I was going to an English-speaking country (I opted for it over France, despite having a French minor) that I would still encounter plenty of ‘lost in translation’ moments along my several months long journey.

The first happened just days after I had arrived. I was boarding a bus in my neighborhood that would take me to my new school. I thought I was prepared with my pound coin in hand, but when I got on the bus, the driver yelled, “one quid.”Um, did he say squid!? What was he talking about? He repeated it several times, while I just stood there with a puzzled expression on my face, Finally, I showed him my coin and he said, “yeah, one quid!” Apparently, I had just learned my first English slang.

Another ‘lost in translation’ moment happened sometime later into my stay. Because I was a student and on a limited budget, I ate a LOT of peanut and butter jelly sandwiches to save money. One day, I was talking to my landlady, Jane, when I mentioned a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Her horrified look surprised me. She said it sounded disgusting then wondered how it didn’t slip off the bread. What was she talking about, I thought. After more discussion, I learned that ‘jelly’ in England is ‘jello.’ We had a good laugh about that one!

What I learned from this experience abroad and what I’ve carried into the rest of my life so far has been the importance of keeping an open mind and to keep learning, whether it’s at a new job or meeting a new person. As long as you are sincere in your approach to learn, people will be there to help you along the way.

Content source: Adventures of a Cultural Tourist: An American Abroad

Doing what you say you will starts with YOU. Do you often tell yourself that you’ll get into the office earlier to get more done but never do? Until you start doing what you told yourself you’d do, you are not going to be able to keep your word to others either. Being sincere in your intentions is the first step to building trust within yourself and others, which ultimately leads to a respectful relationship.

Do it today

Get up an hour earlier than normal and go into the office to work. Or, if you told a colleague you would have the proposal finished by today, get it done now. Every time you make a promise to yourself or someone else, stop for a second and make sure that you really will do what you say you will.

Content source: Respect Tip: Do What You Say You Will

While I was crossing the bridge I noticed a flashing sign that read, “Respect the Barrel” referring to the orange barrels closing off the outer lanes. Of course it got my attention, as most anything having to do with respect does!

I kept thinking about that flashing sign. I even mentioned it to the client, while we were talking about all the amazing things that had happened since they started using our learning processes. We even had a good laugh about how obvious the sign was and how I thought it would make a good blog post.

What intrigued me about the sign was that it was so blatant. Of course, we all know that we should be cautious while driving in a construction zone. Do we really need a reminder?

Maybe we do.

Content source: Respect the Barrel, er, I Mean, Your Co-Workers

But it isn’t harmless and it can be hurtful.

Sadly, as workplace violence, bullying, and harassment rates continue to rise, gossip is also increasingly playing a larger role. Gossip nowadays doesn’t just happen in person around the water cooler, it occurs online and on social media sites too.

Here’s what you can do:

1. If you hear gossip, don’t spread it.
2. Change the subject when someone starts gossiping.
3. Excuse yourself politely and walk away when people start gossiping.
4. Say something positive instead.
5. If it gets out of hand, report it to HR.

What are your suggestions for avoiding and refraining from workplace gossip?

Content source: Respect Tip: Refrain from Gossip