Many of us have been to the local animal shelter to adopt a cat or dog to become part of our family. Almost every time we reach a decision to take a pet home, it is because of the way they look into our eyes. The exact same dynamic plays out in the corporate boardroom or the crowded lunchroom. We want to connect with friendly people – people with whom we feel comfortable.

Making cheerful introductions including a smile and direct eye contact sets the stage for all future interactions. If we are shy and look away or at the ground, we are revealing a part of our personality to others. If we show confidence and kindness in our eyes, we show characteristics more likely to be helpful in establishing a relationship – business or otherwise.

Be sure to take the time to practice this critical component of making good eye contact during introductions if you want to have the etiquette advantage. In a short while, this action becomes a habit – one which will help ensure you Outclass the Competition!

This is part of an ongoing series on etiquette in the workplace. Read previous posts here.

Content source: Look ‘em in the Eye

Each of us worked within a small group to come up with a series of ideas about that question and those responses were then distilled into a few key concepts. Those ideas were then transferred onto a large (and colorful) display board in the center of the conference’s expo hall encouraging people to stop by, ponder and even add their own ideas to the discussion.

Although my group didn’t come up with the above ideas on respect in the workplace (in the image at the top of this post), I was certainly delighted when I passed the board near the end of the conference that other people had. I particularly liked the note that said:

Environment of appreciation, understanding and respect for ALL!

Doesn’t that sound like a great place to work?

But really, how many of us currently work in an environment like that?

I am sure it is very few, which is why this is such a great goal for diversity and inclusion in the next 5 years -and actually a doable goal for all workplaces to achieve.

How do we create a respectful work environment?

In The Respect Effect by Paul Meshanko, he describes a four part process that all organizations need to go through if they are seriously committed to changing their workplace culture and creating a respectful work environment:

Gate One: Consensus for Taking Action

In this first step of the process, it is vital that everyone has a voice and stake in the change process. Often the need to change a workplace culture to that of a more respectful one, begins reactively. Nonetheless, there needs to be buy-in from all employees or the next step can never be achieved successfully.

Gate Two: Mapping

Trying to get anywhere usually involves some foresight to get there. Otherwise, we’d all be traveling in circles or simply just lost. That’s why this step is almost as imperative as the first one. Organizations need to gauge their starting point. They can do this in several ways but the best possible way should include a combination of data and knowledge.

Gate Three: Invitation

Once the map is established, then an invitation should be extended to all employees to participate. This invitation doesn’t have to be formal and is more likely metaphorically than anything else. In it, the following should be included: information on the value, a non-threatening tone, a trusted source and enough motivation so that people actually do want to get involved.

Gate Four: Cultivation and Reinforcement

During this is where the real work happens. It’s where all the planning and preparation come to fruition. This is the step where the actual training takes place. It is a training that concludes with a mutually agreed upon Code of Cooperation document that is the guideline for moving forward as a respectful workplace.

I truly hope that when I return to that same conference in the future the answer to the question, “what’s been achieved for diversity and inclusion in the last 5 years?” will be answered with, “an appreciation, understanding and respect for all in the workplace.”

Content source: What’s Possible for Diversity and Inclusion in the Next 5 Years?

Say a manager is engaging in bullying behavior towards a subordinate. The manager pushes the employee, locks her in the conference room, and spreads nasty rumors about her. Already, the employer could be looking at claims for assault and battery (or even an OSHA violation), false imprisonment, and defamation. As a result, the employee suffers migraines, depression, and an ulcer. Now the employer is facing FMLA, ADA and possibly workers compensation issues. The manager, frustrated that the employee is missing so much work to deal with her so-called medical issues, gives the employee a poor performance review and denies her a promotion. Thus, a potential retaliation claim is born. And so on and so forth.

Don’t take solace in the fact that there are no anti-bullying laws per se (and be aware this may change, in any event). Don’t allow bullying behavior in your workplace. Create and cultivate an environment where respectful behaviors are rewarded, and bullying is simply not an option. Not only will you avoid a potential legal landmine, you will be cultivating employee engagement – a tangible return on investment for respect in the workplace.

We are now offering Harassment and Discrimination Prevention Training. Learn more here!

Content source: Just Because There Isn’t an Anti-Bullying Law Per Se…

Although their spheres of influence may differ, there is a need for management at all levels — from the first-line supervisor to the CEO — to regularly focus on the effectiveness of their interactions with employees. The following include a number of tips that individual supervisors and managers can apply in assessing whether they are fostering a positive workplace climate:

1. Increase your credibility as a leader by consistently “walking the talk.” Monitor your actions to ensure that they are aligned with the expectations and values that you communicate.
2. Choose to bring a positive outlook to the workplace. As a leader, you set the tone for your employees. Your optimistic attitude and an expectation of successful results can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that influences outcomes.
3. Approach each interaction with respect. Act in this manner, regardless of the circumstances or of the employee’s position within the organization.
4. Take responsibility for your actions and control your emotions when faced with frustrating situations. Use self restraint, pause before reacting, and focus on whether your comments or actions will produce desired results.
5. Recognize that one of a leader’s greatest assets is the ability to communicate with employees at every level of the organization. Assess your effectiveness in areas of your communications, including your words, tone of voice, body language and listening. Use this self-awareness as a springboard for improvement.
6. Show that you care and value employees as individuals. Remember that the small things you do often make a difference in relationships, such as celebrating birthdays, sending cards on happy or sad occasions and having discussions about favorite sports or hobbies.
7. Communicate with employees on an ongoing basis about their job performance. This feedback enables employees to gain an understanding of what is required to meet job and organizational expectations.
8. Assist employees in understanding ways to resolve workplace conflicts. Develop an expectation that differences of opinion will be handled in a respectful manner. Help employees identify behaviors that facilitate problem resolution, such as listening to understand others’ points of view, and those that are unacceptable, such as name calling and making accusations.
9. Avoid tendencies to act on assumptions that can damage relationships. Take time to gather and analyze relevant facts before making decisions.
10. Demonstrate receptiveness to organizational changes in your communications with employees while also portraying a realistic picture of what the change process may involve. Be proactive in identifying ways to be supportive of employees and to gain their input when implementing these initiatives.
11. Show appreciation for employees as a routine part of your day-to-day interactions. Act on the belief that employees will do their best if their contributions to the team are recognized.
12. Understand the value of providing negative feedback in private. Criticizing employees publicly can create a sense of embarrassment among all who are present and diminish their respect for you as a leader.
13. Encourage humor when it provides employees with an opportunity to enjoy work, relieve stress and create a positive work environment. Communicate that humor is unacceptable if it involves harassing actions or comments.
14. Create a workplace that is inclusive and values diversity. Consider diversity as a factor in establishing work teams and committees. Individuals from differing backgrounds and points of view can serve as resources to one another and enhance the overall quality of decision making.
15. Recognize that listening is essential in understanding others’ perspectives, needs and expectations. Develop a habit of listening and establish this as an expectation for employees.
16. Keep employees informed by continuously sharing information. Educate employees about their jobs and broaden their understanding of the organization and business as a whole.
17. Delegate effectively to provide mutual benefits for employees and for management. Delegation provides opportunities for employees to develop skills and demonstrate their abilities and for management to have a more experienced and productive work force. Successful outcomes depend on a number of factors, such as establishing mutual expectations and implementing processes that enable management to influence results.
18. View your own leadership development as a process of continual growth. Be proactive in reading books and articles and pursuing other learning opportunities. Solicit input from individuals who will help you “look in the mirror” and from those who you respect for their leadership qualities.

*Editor’s note: This article first appeared in the Memphis Business Journal 

Content source: Fostering a Positive Workplace Environment Improves Retention, Morale

One thing I discovered when I conducted my interviews with Employers of Choice for Road to Respect was a commonality with respect to an expectation of behavioural accountability. It starts with a proactive approach, which focuses on ensuring that everyone understands what is expected of them, not just with respect to their job duties but with respect to their personal behaviour and workplace conduct. The conversation about behavioural accountability, the notion of each individual being responsible for her/his workplace behaviour, and beyond that, responsible for acting in accordance with organizational values, starts in the hiring process.

I recently conducted an interview with Janine North, CEO of Northern Development Trust, the fifth interview for a series I am doing called Are We There Yet? Women, Position &  Power. Ms. North talked about the importance of leaders “extracting accountability.”

We often hear about the importance of holding employees accountable. That expression seems to imply  that something, or more commonly, someone  external to that employee, is responsible for ensuring that an employee lives up to her/his end of the employment contract. It expresses a cultural norm with respect to power and empowerment within an organization.

Take a moment to consider the difference between a leader who “holds others accountable” and one who “extracts accountability” from her/his direct reports. It implies a very different kind of power dynamic as well as a different kind of leadership style.

I asked Ms. North to share how she “extracts accountability,” particularly with respect to empowering employees to speak up about workplace disrespect and conflict.

What I learned is that one of the cultural norms Ms. North institutes wherever she works is what she referred to as “keeping short accounts.” Consistent with what I heard from other Employers of Choice I interviewed for Road to Respect, the conversation about personal accountability starts in the hiring process. “One of the things we talk about in the hiring interview is how we keep short accounts with each other: we don’t allow things to fester. When we have an issue with someone, we always raise the issue with that person privately. It’s about making sure to put the snakes on the table; you don’t let them crawl around in the grass and bite you. The idea is to bring daylight to every issue. We keep short accounts: we bring issues up respectfully and we celebrate how good that makes us feel.”

Ms. North told me that early in her career she heard that expression about putting the snakes on the table and “it really resonated with me.” Soon afterwards she was vacationing in Mexico and found a colourful snake, which has been on her desk ever since. It serves as a visual reminder both to her and her team. “It is a piece of humour that you can use to have an honest respectful workplace where people feel free to work through issues. It is a phrase that brings lots of coachable moments.”

As a result, everyone knows what is meant by the phrases “keep short accounts” and “put the snakes on the table.” They have become part of the corporate vernacular. “If anyone is griping we remind them to keep short accounts. It is ingrained in our culture – put the snakes on the table.”

Here’s what I heard when I asked Ms. North about her choice to bring the snake to work and keep it on her desk. “I instituted this because it is who I am. I want to work with people who are caring and upfront with each other and are accountable to each other.”

When people care about each other, when they are accountable to each other, fear diminishes as a behavioural motivator. There is a norm of behavioural accountability: a shared responsibility to “hold ourselves and other accountable.” The result is an empowered workplace, where employees feel a sense of personal responsibility and ownership;  a workplace where the obligation to speak up about issues, concerns, problems and business opportunities simply becomes “the way it is around here.”

I’ve worked with many leaders over the past 15 years. Very few spring out of bed in the morning eagerly anticipating a conversation where they have to “hold someone accountable.”

Make a choice to start a different conversation in your workplace – one that focuses on creating a culture of behavioural accountability where everyone feels a sense of personal responsibility for speaking up, resolving issues and creating a respectful, high performing culture.

I’m pretty sure you could find a snake at the dollar store to keep on your desk. I am quite confident that Ms. North won’t mind if you do.

Content source: Extracting Accountability

Ideally a handshake involves one hand from each person. The web of each hand meets followed by a firm grip and two or three up and down ‘shakes’. Too firm of a handshake indicates a desire to be dominant, as does overturning a hand. The hands should be perpendicular to the ground. A limp handshake indicates a lack of confidence and should be avoided at all costs.

The use of one’s left hand is to be avoided, as it is both too familiar and best reserved for conveying condolence – much as a member of the clergy might employ. Keeping your left hand at your side is a best practice.

In business, how we shake the hand of a new client or someone with whom we are considering doing business, has the power to influence our final decision. We like doing business with people we like and trust, people who are confident and well grounded. A well-delivered handshake sets the mood for all further interaction – both verbal and written.  Making a good first impression is important and a handshake is an integral part of this impression. Make sure yours is perfect!

I refer anyone seriously interested in understanding the importance of this skill to
The Power of Handshaking: For Peak Performance Worldwide by Robert E. Brown and Dorothea Johnson

This is part of an ongoing series on etiquette in the workplace. Read previous posts here.

Content source: A Good Handshake Instills Confidence

If either of those two factors are lacking, employees feel extreme dissatisfaction and low engagement. And we know that low engagement translates into decreased productivity, increased dissatisfaction, and a whole host of other negative workplace consequences.

So what is an employer to do?

First, understand that it really is imperative that management “walk the walk.” In other words, have a clear set of organizational values and communicate them to all levels of employees. Ask for feedback from employees, and do something with it. To really gain employee buy-in and loyalty, make respect a core value. How employees are treated at work matters, a lot.

Second, select your managers carefully. Many rise through the ranks because they are good at what they do, not because they necessarily have what it takes to manage. That’s all right, so long as they are amenable to, and receive, the proper training. What should this training encompass? First and foremost, respect in the workplace. Comprehensive training in this area can have a direct and significant impact on engagement.

So what are you waiting for?

We are now offering Harassment and Discrimination Prevention Training. Learn more here!

Content source: New Study on Employee Engagement Focuses on Trust

Beryl is known for its family-friendly, employee-centric workplace culture. Their focus on culture, on taking care of employees in need, and on creating a fun workplace has reduced their employee turnover rate to around 15% (compared to the average annual employee turnover rate in the call center industry of 80%). And they’re phenomenally successful to boot, which Spiegelman credits largely to the Beryl culture. In fact, Spiegelman goes so far as to suggest that employee engagement is the leading indicator of future business success.

Beryl’s CEO is unapologetic and passionate about asking employees to have a positive attitude. And he knows that to maintain a great culture, adding fun can’t be viewed as “the flavor of the month.” Although no one is ever forced to participate in fun events at Beryl, a key principle is that everyone must be given the opportunity to participate.

For the sake of injecting fun into the workplace, Spiegelman has dressed up as a matador, roller-bladed in an outlandish disco costume, been dunked in dunk tanks and has starred in some very wacky videos.

But here’s a crucial point in this success story: Paul Speigelman is not naturally funny or even very outgoing. He’s very humble and he’s an introvert. So his inspiring leadership isn’t personality dependent. The culture isn’t driven by the force of his charisma. Yet, he has learned over the years to laugh at himself and to take himself out of his comfort zone to help engage employees.

And most importantly perhaps, despite the fact that he himself is not a naturally gregarious or funny person, he recognizes the need to build a fun culture, and has championed others in the organization to help fuel their amazing culture.

Content source: Leading with Laughter to Build an Inspiring Workplace Culture

How respect is shown to elders varies from culture to culture. It is customary in Japan to bow when greeting anyone however when greeting the elderly the bow is lower, more pronounced and reverent as a sign of respect. In Italy, it is customary to show respect for the elderly and to value their personal dignity as they age. Traditionally, family elders are to be the first to enter a room and children are taught to stand when adults first enter as a sign of respect. Filipinos show respect to their elders through mannerisms, gestures and language. This includes parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, acquaintances and even strangers. It also includes a sibling or cousin who is 5+ years older than themselves.

In the United States, while each individual family, community or region may have specific customary signs of respect, there is not a nationwide tradition that is regularly practiced. Teaching our younger generations the practice of common courtesy to all is critical however when we are interacting with the elderly there are things we need to take into consideration.

It is a different world

While some elders have kept up with the changing times of our society, many are still leery. This may make them seem intolerant to say the least. Consider this, when they were growing up people often lived in communities that were culturally specific. Italians all lived in one area (as did Puerto Ricans, Germans, Chinese, etc.) so this meant that your butcher was Italian, your banker was Italian and your doctor was Italian. If you had a death in your family and the neighbors saw the hearse at your home they immediately knew what traditions would be carried out. On Ash Wednesday no one questioned the “smudge” on your forehead. While it was not a very diverse way to live it was the way at the time. Consider what a big adjustment it must be for some who live in independent living facilities, assisted living or nursing homes with a resident population that rivals the diversity of the United Nations.

Terms are confusing

Dementia, Alzheimer’s and other terms for diminishing mental capacity are common diagnoses however these are not familiar terms for many elderly. When they were younger and their elders were suffering from these illnesses it was often referred to as “senile” or even “crazy.” As you can imagine those terms came with a stigma. Not to mention that the treatment for such illnesses was often to be “put in a home” where stories of wild “therapy” was often feared.

Slow down

A rule of thumb to remember is “one level slower than the elder.” This applies to everything. When interacting with the elderly, let them set the pace. Walking….slow down and keep one pace slower so they do not feel rushed. When assisting with a wheelchair, keep the pace slow. While you are certainly capable of brisk walking it is ill advised. If you walk quickly you will notice that your elder will begin lowering their eyes or their head. It would be comparable to us being on Mr. Toads Wild Ride. Pushing the wheelchair at a slower pace will create a more relaxed outing and the elder will continue to actively look around and take in the sights. Speaking… the pace a person speaks is the pace they process thoughts. By continually speaking faster than a person can process your words, you will cause confusion, frustration and ultimately end up with a communication fail. Also be sure to speak loud enough. This is done through trial and error. If you still see a confused look or are getting no response then try again. Continue until you are at a volume that allows your elder to have a normal conversation. Out of respect to the elder we need to communicate effectively at their pace and volume.

Time

We always hear that giving of our time is one of the best gifts that we can give someone. This not only relates to how often we visit, how long we stay but also in how we interact. When speaking with the elderly it is respectful to give them time to think. Do not finish their sentences in an effort to speed up the conversation. Share one thought at a time to eliminate overload. For example, if you are talking to your colleague you may say, “Would you like to go to lunch? We could go to Cafe ABC or Restaurant XYZ.” No problem. However, by asking an elder the same question you are likely to get an awkward silence followed by them asking you to repeat the questions. By breaking down the communication and giving them time to process you will create a much more natural flowing conversation. “Would you like to go to lunch” should be followed by a pause and await a response. If the answer is yes then the question of where to go to lunch should also be broken down. “Would you like to go to Café ABC” should also be followed by a pause and await a response. While this seems like it will take a lot more of your time, the exact opposite is true. They will process your questions much more quickly and they will feel as if they are an active participant of the conversation and not being spoken “at.”

Abraham J. Heshel once said,

A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.

Today, let us vow to treat our elder family, friends and strangers, with dignity and respect. Let our younger generation learn by not only our words but by our examples. It is in our best interest to teach them well. After all, they will be the adults in charge when we are lucky enough to become the elders.

Content source: Mom Always Said, “Respect Your Elders”

Say I go for a run and I come back and stand next to Paul, who’s been working hard at his computer. My heart is beating fast due to my physical exertion. Will my elevated heart rate have any effect on Paul’s heart rate? No, obviously not.

See, “closed loop.” If I walk up to Paul and I am in a horrible mood, muttering under my breath, scowling to beat the band, and generally emitting negative energy, will my mood effect Paul’s? Yes – open loop. Our brains pick up signals from those around us.

In other words, we are always affecting people we work with, and being affected by them too. Something we should always keep in mind (both at work and elsewhere in our daily lives).

My other friend and colleague Lorene Schaefer (a highly talented mediator, arbitrator, and workplace investigator) recently posted a blog post entitled Know Your Own Hot Buttons at Work. In a nutshell, she encourages self-awareness in the workplace. What sets you off? Knowing that is the first step in learning how to avoid and/or deal with conflict at work.

OK, so I’ve got really smart and talented friends.  What’s my point?  I’m getting there. I swear.

First, know yourself. Second, be aware of the impact you have on those around you. And third (this is where I add my own twist), think about the G word, Gratitude.

Why?

Research shows that when we cultivate a practice of gratitude, we are happier. When we are happier, we are nicer to others, less likely to engage in conflict, and more productive.

But what does practicing gratitude even mean?

Gratitude is a mindset, and one that can become habitual the more we engage in it. So today, or sometime soon, acknowledge something at work you are grateful for. Express it to yourself, and even to others. Love how dedicated your employees are? Thank them. Appreciate how your manager always has your back? Acknowledge him or her. You may be surprised at the results.

We are now offering Workplace Investigations. Learn more here!

Content source: Gratitude at Work

One reason why workplace respect may be so valued nowadays is because of conflict-charged atmospheres in many companies. Rising unemployment rates, fierce competition for jobs, and a decline in general moral values have impacted the workforce, leaving employees feeling isolated and vulnerable. Workers who fail to establish a strong connection to their colleagues and supervisors are more likely to evidence poor work performance.

Want to create a motivating and fair job atmosphere? Consider offering these job perks that matter most to employees:

1. Provide a specific job description with clearly explained duties. Vague job descriptions or unclear expectations lead to frustration in employees who aren’t sure how to do their job well and in supervisors who become dissatisfied with what they perceive as poor job performance. A written job description that is updated annually keeps everyone aware of what is expected in a specific position. Duties that change should be immediately reflected in a revised job description.

2. Ensure courteous and respectful treatment. Coworkers and supervisors who are too busy or inconsiderate to exchange friendly greetings or offer assistance discourage new or struggling employees. Smiles, praise, and words of encouragement are job perks that matter more than bonuses or vacation days. All personnel should be reminded to be friendly and kind, and discouraged from gossiping, backbiting, or unduly criticizing coworkers. Sexual harassment training and diversity awareness programs promote a courteous and respectful work environment.

3. Perform fair and objective performance evaluations. All employees want to be evaluated clearly and fairly, using standard criteria. An annual or semi-annual review provided in writing by the immediate supervisor and with the opportunity for discussion and employee feedback fosters a collegial work environment that helps employees improve skills and develop new qualities. Positive observations from and interactions with coworkers, clients, and customers who have had dealings with the employee should be added to the personnel file and considered during the performance review.

4. Give public recognition when appropriate. One of the most effective job perks is personal and professional recognition of an employee’s special talents or efforts. Exhibiting low absenteeism or tardiness, working overtime hours with a smile, learning a new skill, filling in for an absent employee, covering a vacant position, or going above and beyond expected job duties are behaviors that deserve verbal and/or written praise. This can be done in a company newsletter column dedicated to recognizing employees’ special efforts, sending a congratulatory letter, recommending a promotion, or simply saying – preferably in a public meeting but in an informal way – “Job well done – thanks!”

5. Offer opportunities to advance. When an employee reaches and exceeds his or her potential in a current job, a smart supervisor sees an opportunity to channel the employee’s potential into more challenging duties. This can take the form of a promotion, enhanced job responsibilities, or a revamped job title – with improved pay and perks. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and among the job perks that matter most is the chance to build on current success to strive for loftier goals. It’s a win-win situation: The employee feels proud of the advancement and works harder and the company benefits from another strong performer.

Of course, tangible perks are important too, including additional personal days, flex or comp time, bonuses, raises, and adjusted job duties. But more than financial compensation, perks like the ones mentioned above remind employees of their value to the company. They are proof of past performance and a promise of potentially greater success to come. A positive workplace, affirming colleagues, supportive job strategies, and recognition opportunities ensure employee satisfaction and strengthen company loyalty.

Content source: More Than Money: 5 Job Perks That Matter

It seems I was wrong, affirming that old expression about assumptions and how they make a ‘you know what’ of you and me. Jeff Dyner, Hal Gregersen and Clayton M. Christesen, authors of The Innovator’s DNA: Mastering the Five Skills of Disruptive Innovators claim that innovation relies on five skills: skills that can be learned by anyone interested in fostering innovative thinking and problem solving.

The book, published by Harvard Business Review Press, is based on the authors research on some of the world’s most innovative companies. They discovered five skills common to all innovative leaders:

1. questioning
2. observing
3. networking
4. experimenting
5. associating

At the foundation of developing an innovative mindset is the requirement to move away from a fear based, ‘support the status quo’ mindset, to an attitude of curiosity, openness and engagement.

The innovative leaders ask challenging questions. They watch the behaviour of customers, suppliers and competitors to identify new ways of doing things. Rather than network with others that “look like them”, they embrace the true wealth offered by diversity. They seek opportunities to talk to people with different life experiences and perspectives. They try new things, construct interactive experiences and build prototypes to gain new insights. They look for associations within unrelated fields to discover unexpected connection in places one might not expect to find them.

The authors term these skills as discovery skills. Their research shows that CEO’s in innovative companies spend 50% more of their personal time engaged in discovery skills than do CEO’s in less innovative companies.

I often talk about curiosity being the foundation of a respectful attitude. Questioning and observing allow us to demonstrate both curiosity and respect. As I argue in Road to Respect, a respectful, relationship based (associating) leadership promotes creativity and innovation. The workplace culture is characterized by relationships that cross both functional and hierarchical power lines as well as constructive conflict, where different or divergent opinions can be openly expressed and discussed.

So next time you have a challenging problem to solve, adopt a respectful attitude characterized by the five discovery skills described above. Not only will you end up with an unexpected and innovative solution, you’ll reap the added bonus of developing relationship in the process.

Content source: Respect, Innovation and Creativity

Kids under about 7 years of age, are great. They are curious and honest. They would come up to me and want to ask questions about my wheelchair and Halo. Some of the parents would pull them away, like I was not to be bothered or spoken to.

That quote is from my dear friend Michele Walsh, PT. While I am no stranger to disabilities, having had both a sister and father-in-law who were diabetic amputees, I felt that this is one area where no matter how much exposure we may have to the situation we can never fully embrace what life is like for people living every day with a disability.

In order to bring you the best article possible on being respectful of and communicating well with people with disabilities, I enlisted Michele’s help in the form of an interview which she graciously agreed to do. Her candid answers to my questions will reveal a glimpse into the day in the life of the disabled. (Note: since both our names are Michele I chose to format the interview with Q and A to avoid confusion.)

Q: Michele, thank you so much for agreeing to do this. We have been friends for many years and I appreciate you taking your time to help me and our readers gain a clearer understanding of communication issues that you face. First, why don’t you start off by telling us about your disability?

A: Thanks for asking me – I always welcome the chance to educate on this topic. The short answer regarding my disability is: I was 18, on my way to college when I lost control of my car and became a paraplegic. In a split second my whole life changed. I lived in a small town in North Dakota (pop <3000 back then.) I was taken to the medical office in town, they noted that I had a spinal injury, called for the Air Ambulance and I was taken to the trauma hospital. Diagnosis: C7-T1 spinal cord injury. I remained in the trauma hospital about two months and then transferred to the rehab hospital in Grand Forks for another three months. Wheelchair bound, I started attending college (University of North Dakota (UND)) a year later.

Q: Impressive! What was that like?

A: Like most young people I struggled with what path to choose and went from majoring in computer science and psychology to undecided. One day while visiting the rehab hospital, I was asked about becoming a physical therapist (PT). My immediate thought was – if I was not disabled and had known about it before my injury, it would have been perfect. Life as a paraplegic is no picnic; however, I have had some great experiences and people in my life as a result of it. I have been greatly affected in a positive manner by my physical therapists and I would love to help give someone else back what I had gotten, my independence. I learned that even the able bodied therapist used rehab aides and I could too. I thought about it, applied to the program at the UND, chickened out, withdrew, applied again the following year, got in and accepted.

I graduated and practiced as a physical therapist for about 13 years, some personal issues and lack of aide support caused me to leave the field in mid-2000. I do maintain my license and hope to go back to practicing PT. It is my passion. Since that time I relocated to Florida, went back to school (which is where you and I met), while working at a local tissue bank, received a Health Information Management degree, became a certified RHIT (Registered Health Information Technician), ran a medical record department for a long term acute care hospital, got the opportunity to be a Case Manager which I did for two years and I currently work for an HME (Home Medical Equipment) company in the custom mobility department, involving intake and follow-up for custom manual wheelchairs and power mobility.

Q: Do you notice that people speak to you differently due to the fact that you use a wheelchair versus the way they speak to your friends and colleagues?

A: At times perhaps, although, I am not as sensitive to it as I was upon first being disabled. I have had a couple of experiences in my life where, when eating or checking into hotel that the person I am with will be spoken to even though I am the one paying. I just speak right back to the employee and make the intent of conversation come back to me. It does not happen much; society has gotten better in the 29 years since I have been paralyzed. The thing I most run into, is that people who have not been around anyone in a wheelchair much, have no clue how much it bothers my neck to have to keep looking up at them while speaking, especially if the person is really tall. When having a prolonged conversation with someone in a wheelchair, it is best to either kneel or grab a chair and sit.

Q: People often are afraid to address the elephant in the room so to speak. Would you prefer that people come right out and ask you about your disability or do you consider that rude or awkward?

A: For me, I prefer to be asked what happened (but don’t expect all the details especially if we just met). I think it is far better to ask than to assume something that may not be true. If someone has a cast or walking boot on most people will ask what happened. It should be no different when someone is using a wheelchair.

Q: To follow up to the question above – if you are going out with a group for the first time, do you prefer that they ask you about things that you may need assistance with?

A: Yes, because I am not always the best at asking for assistance. The main thing is to remember that the wheelchair is an extension of my body, you bump it, you bump me. It is my legs. Never grab the wheelchair and start pushing. Would you just walk up to someone and grab them without asking? I certainly hope not. If you have known the person awhile it is different. For example, my friends will walk beside me. Some inclines can create a challenge for me, so they will say, “Here let me help you up this” and that is very appreciated. I have another friend that prefers to hold my hand and pull me when we are on uneven surfaces. The courtesy that they show simply by paying attention to the elements shows great care and respect for me as their friend. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

Q: Although we have the ADA, it sounds like you still come across business or public places that you have trouble accessing?

A: Yes, and I will not frequent them. If it is not important enough to them to help make it easier for me to patronize their business then I won’t. Over the last 29 years, I have been into some businesses through the back door, mainly restaurants and you would not eat there if you could see some of the kitchens that I have seen. Businesses call themselves accessible because they have a ramp however they don’t care if it is too steep, too short, blocked with boxes and takes you into the business along a path that no other customer has to take.

Q: So at the risk of exposing TMI (too much information) – I’m sure you have horror stories of disrespect and miscommunication in public restrooms regarding the handicap stalls. Care to share?

A: Bathrooms are a big issue for me. I need a stall with enough space for my wheelchair and me, where I can close the door and have room to dress and undress. However, most able bodied females want to also use the larger stall. They show no courtesy to the fact that I’m about to pee my pants because I can’t use the other 5 stalls that are open.

Here is a quick story for you. I was down in St. Petersburg years ago for a July 4th concert. As you know, the line to the ladies room is always longer than the men’s so there was a huge wait. One handicapped stall is all there was. By the time I got close to the front of the line, the handicapped stall opened and a kind woman in front of me told the other lady to let me go ahead. She had a fit! She felt like she was next in line and she could use the next available stall regardless of it being designated as handicapped. There have been a few times in my life that in needing to use public restrooms, I have not been able to close the door behind due to the stall being too small and I have had to ask a complete stranger to block the door for me. You never get accustomed to that type of loss of privacy.

Q: You are very independent and do you drive everywhere you go. Dare I bring up the topic of handicap parking?

A: Oh, parking is definitely another issue. I have a van with a lift and need the access aisle in order to get in and out of my van. You would not believe the number of times I have come out to find scooters/motorcycles parked in the access aisle and how badly I want to put my lift down on them and crush them. Not to mention the able bodied disabled (those not requiring the additional space for a lift) that feel entitled to the handicapped parking and park on the crossed hatched access aisle which is NOT a parking space. The access aisle is there for a reason. Remember, if I cannot open my door and lower my lift then I cannot exit and or enter my van. PLEASE be respectful of that.

Q: What would you say your biggest challenge is in the workplace?

A: Most of the places I have worked have had the means to accommodate me and the majority of my co-workers have been awesome. I have to ask for help to reach things at times and people are very willing. Everything can’t be down to my height and I do not expect that.

Q: Do you find that both the older and the younger generations struggle when communicating with a person with disabilities or are there generational differences?

A: Hmmm, not so sure if it is generational or just based on a person’s life experiences. I find that a good portion of the younger generation is self-centered and by that I mean that they just don’t notice those around them and their needs. However, there are those that are very caring, interested and supportive of differences, even disabilities. Communication improves (or should) as we age and mature so perhaps we (the older generation) are more tactful, but I find that it is more of a life experience issue or personality difference if one struggles with communicating with a disabled person. Someone who is outgoing, talks to strangers, enjoys talking to and meeting different types of people usually doesn’t struggle. Even for more reserved people; if they are nurturing and have had contact with people with disabilities they do not usually struggle. Society has improved in education and awareness on disabilities which I think certainly has helped.

Q: What is one pet peeve of yours that you wish people would change in the way they communicate or interact with people with disabilities?

A: I guess I would just leave it as, do not treat a person with a disability differently. If the person looks like they need help, ask/offer. If you’re going to have an extended conversation with someone in a wheelchair, sit or kneel down. The key word being “person” – our wheelchair (cane, hearing aid, assist dog etc.) just makes us a little more unique.

I am so happy to have had the opportunity to introduce you to Michele. All too often we are deep in thought and do not notice those around us, disabled or not. I hope that Michele’s openness will help us all be more aware of the wonderful people we share this world with and that we will continue to teach our future generations the importance of respect!

Content source: Respectful Communication and the Disabled: An Interview

First, be honest and don’t sugarcoat the problem. By trusting employees enough to give them the “real deal,” you signal respect. Equally important, you avoid the “but you told me I was doing great” encounter later on, which is rife with legal risks.

Second, watch your tone. Research shows that when we communicate with one another, only 7% of the message is conveyed by our words. That means everything else – from body language to tone of voice – accounts for 93% of the message! So be respectful and speak in a manner that conveys you are trying to help the employee overcome the issue at hand.

Finally, document the meeting. Include the reason for the meeting, the time and place, what was discussed, and how the meeting concluded (e.g., “John and I discussed that he will work hard over the next thirty days to improve his production statistics”). By approaching employee issues with honesty, integrity and respect, you are far more likely to turn a negative situation around than to end up in court.

We are now offering Workplace Investigations. Learn more here!

Content source: Disciplining the Right (and Respectful) Way

•  let’s throw a barbecue!
•  let’s do another survey!
•  let’s form a committee!
•  another survey!
•  let’s bring in a consultant!
•  no, no, we need another survey!
•  let’s print our values in larger type!

You get the picture. After lots of hand-wringing people toss out quick fix ideas and a patchwork quilt of half-measures and band-aid solutions is proposed which quickly…after a few months…or weeks…peters out.

The reality of course is that there are no quick fixes. You can’t go buy your culture from a big box store and install it in one day. No, not even from Ikea.

When you experience a sinking feeling about your workplace culture keep in mind that the leaks in your boat didn’t happen overnight. They are an accumulation of years of workplace attitudes, behaviors and habits that have brought you to this point.

So what’s the solution?

Sadly, there is no step-by-step manual or do-it-yourself-kit that will fit for every situation.

It takes a concerted amount of time and effort to transform a workplace culture and it will likely involve dozens of strategies and ideas that deal with core issues, rather than merely treating the symptoms of your workplace problems.

And what I know for certain is that it starts by being intentional about your culture.

Cultures don’t happen by accident. Actually, let me rephrase that – great cultures don’t happen by accident!

They are formed when an organization spends time, money and energy dedicated to their culture. Great cultures form when habits that both reflect and build your culture become so ingrained in your workplace that they become second nature. Some organizations dedicate a committed team or a full time person to keep the cultural drum beating. Other workplaces make sure they have regular check-ups and tune-ups of their culture. Others embrace the power of conversations to keep the cultural conversation alive.

AFA JCDecaux, an outdoor advertising company based in Europe, transformed their workplace culture by intentional focusing on a different core value in an intense way one week at a time. They rotated through their four core values (which were created by the front line employees) for six months at which point new attitudes and habits took hold.

But the key to their success was being intentional. Again – great workplaces are no accident.  

So, the question remains: what do you intend to do about your workplace culture?

Content source: You Can’t Buy Your Culture at Wal-Mart!

When you receive any phone message, you should return it as quickly as possible, although a phone message should not be considered an emergency, unless of course it is one. Unsolicited marketing phone calls do not need to be returned. However, if a call is from someone you know, return it at your earliest convenience, certainly within 24 hours if possible.

Other calls may or may not be returned at your discretion. I am not a fan of phone messages requesting me to call back with no explanation, no matter who they’re from. Have the decency to leave a proper message stating the purpose of your call or risk being ignored. Common courtesy is the name of the game, so be respectful of someone trying to reach you. If there is a time when you would be available to speak, indicate this in your message. Realize that you are imposing on someone else’s time, so acknowledge this.

Emails should be answered the day they are received if possible. They should be answered in the format in which they were sent. Proper letter writing protocol should always be followed, being sure grammar, spelling and all punctuation are correct. Nothing could be less professional than a letter riddled with mistakes. The notion that clerical mistakes will get their attention is total nonsense.

As with any correspondence, be sure the tone of the letter is carefully considered. As with any handwritten letter, a turn of phrase takes the place of inflection and facial expression, so be thoughtful with each sentence. Do not proofread your own writing, but do be sure someone else does this for you. Always take the high road and avoid using capital letters for emphasis. That is more suitable for a child having a tantrum.

Civility is contagious. Practice it whenever possible; and it’s always possible.

This is part of an ongoing series on etiquette in the workplace. Read previous posts here.

Content source: Respectful Phone and Email Etiquette

The scenario of putting yourself uncomfortably out there is all too familiar to the older generations, who on more than one occasion felt the sting of a cold rejection but who also experienced the euphoria of acceptance. Born into a world full of technology, where Leap Pads replaced Mister Rogers, and email, instant messaging, and texting made going to the post office as rare as seeing a unicorn, the younger generations begin many personal relationships through virtual communication. It is safe to say that socializing has had a make-over and has taken on a whole new look.

Respectful communication in the workplace is very much influenced by how the generations have encountered personal life experiences. While older employees are well accustomed to communication that consisted of sit down, face-to-face type communication with lots of eye-contact, always looking for and reading non-verbal cues (body language), and empathic listening this style of communication may be a struggle for younger management teams due to their dependence on technology based interactions. There is a learning curve for everyone. While some may need to adapt to inter-office memos being sent via email, others need to understand that corrective actions or employee praise is not very effective if done in a tweet-style of 140 characters or less.

So how do we overcome this generational communication gap and find ways to overcome the differences in communication styles?

Simply with respect and dignity. Whether you are the fresh new business graduate just joining the team or the seasoned veteran who has been a faithful employee for forty years, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. While communicating with younger/older colleagues may put you outside of your comfort zone you will find that once you come to embrace them as people and not an “age” your entire work relationship will change for the better.

Below are a list of things to keep in mind to help leverage the differences between generations and effective workplace communication. Commit today to taking the first steps:

• Remember the adage, “Do unto others.” If you want respect you must give respect.
• Take the stereotypes and throw them out the window. Not all young workers lack a proper work ethic. Not all older workers are “too set in their ways.”
• Choose to honor and celebrate the generational differences: not as an unbreachable wall but as a way of understanding and learning how to relate.
• If you want to know something about someone–ASK! It will make them feel flattered that you are taking the time to get to know them better.
• Listen openly and learn from those around you. You have not lived through the trials and tribulations that your colleagues of different generations have experienced (both younger and older).
• Respect ALL life experiences. After all, it is just as painful to be rejected via a status update as it is face-to-face.
• If you are from the older generation – Be open minded to suggestions of change.
• If you are from the younger generation – Be open minded to the possibility that the way it has always been done may still be the best way.
• While my way may not be your way that doesn’t mean that my way is wrong. Nor does it mean that your way is wrong.
• Don‘t be embarrassed to ask for clarification of a word/phrase if it is unfamiliar to you. Each generation is known for their catch phrases and terminology.
• If you find you are having trouble starting a conversation, try using a more “personal” mindset if necessary. Just think, how would you say that to your grandchild or grandparent?

By practicing these tips of  respect and honor of others we can all nurture a work environment that is not only healthy but is a culture filled with fun. Let’s face it; a non-diverse workplace would be an extremely boring workplace.Don’t you agree? So share what you know and commit to learning from others. Everyone knows something that you do not, so rejoice in being in the presence of others who can help broaden your horizons.

And always remember that, regardless of age, a warm and sincere smile is welcomed by all.

Content source: Don’t Take That Tone With Me: Closing the Communication Gap

Through RFN, Michele now helps others with professional development, provides conference attendee engagement services and teaches individually tailored networking skills. You can follow her on Twitter @chelelawson.

Her first 3-part series for us will focus on respect and communications.

Content source: Michele Lawson Joins our Blog

Here’s wishing you all a wonderful 2013, replete with success and happiness. I typically like to start off the year with at least one HR-related resolution to pass on to my clients.

For 2013, I’ve picked this one: Centralizing decision-making when it comes to employee relations.

But there are so many potential resolutions to choose from, you may be thinking. Why this one? In a word (or maybe two), litigation avoidance. Something near and dear to my employment lawyer heart.

Chances are you know the mantra “consistency is key.” Consistency in how documentation is maintained, how discipline and termination decisions are made, and in responding to employee complaints, to name just a few.

Another biggie: addressing requests for reasonable accommodations.

None of these decisions should be made solely at the front-line manager level — that is, simply put, a recipe for inconsistent treatment that leaves plaintiffs and their lawyers salivating. The antidote is easy: centralize decision-making. Make sure supervisors and managers know that when certain clearly spelled out issues arise, they need to get HR (or some designated person) involved.

And a BIG BONUS: Centralizing decision-making communicates respect to employees. It conveys a culture of fairness and equality. Everyone could use that this year, and in years to come.

We are now offering Workplace Investigations. Learn more here!

Content source: An Employee Relations Resolution

That’s billions not millions!

Think about what an influx of that amount of money into our economy could do for all us. Reduced taxes maybe? More educational facilities? Lower medical costs? It is hard to believe that this group of professional and experienced men and women are being excluded from their potential value to our country.

Talk about respect in the workplace. Before there can be respect for the older workers on the job, first there has to be respect and appreciation out of the office or warehouse or shop or any other business establishment.

First things first.

Give the 65+ group what is due to them. They have already spent a good portion of their lives working. If they choose to keep going, why not let them? Who gives some companies the right to kick out a solid worker just because he/she turned 65 or 68 or even 70? The amount of know-how they have accrued over the years far surpasses the knowledge acquired with a 4-year university degree. Doesn’t experience count for anything? Why are they being ignored?

So the first step in respecting the older worker is to make sure there is an older worker. If she has been at the job for awhile, she should feel comfortable in the knowledge that she will not be asked to leave just because she reaches a certain age. If she continues to do her job properly, there should be no reason to fire her.

Yes, I do agree that there are times when the job takes on a different twist and she is not familiar with the change. Try teaching her the new concepts. Just because she is older doesn’t mean she can’t learn new things. She is well aware that the younger members of the staff know all this tech stuff inside out. Well just because she didn’t have the opportunity to learn it, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t do so now. So be gentle and patient and she will grasp the idea.

An older worker does not want to always be conscious of his age, so accept him as part of the gang. Let him decide if he wants to join you for a beer at Mike’s Place. He will probably turn you down but you never know. Include him in your plans and don’t worry that he will interfere with your fun. He too enjoys a good time. Just because he is older doesn’t mean he’s given up on movies, concerts, music and good books. On the contrary, he has more time for these things now that he doesn’t have to worry about children and baby sitters.

Although he wants to be accepted, please do speak to him with the same respect you should show anyone older than you. Don’t shout—he isn’t deaf. And do try to not to use too much slang. He probably knows more than you would think, but straightforward language is always the best. Do ask his advice about things he should know about. It gives a wonderful feeling of appreciation to be asked to explain something that ‘only’ an older person would know. And if you choose to listen to his advice, all the better.

Do keep in mind that there are some things that older people shouldn’t do and that out of concern and understanding for age he will not be asked to do them. Picking up large heavy boxes should be avoided. Climbing on ladders or chairs is also a no-no. Don’t give him the assignments that everyone else has rejected. And don’t always choose him to go and pick up lunch just because you feel you are doing something more important.

When both the employer and employee are ‘older’ people, there can be more of an appreciation for similar attitudes and shared ideas. But if the older person happens to be a senior member of the company, there is a certain amount of additional reverence one should show him/ her. Speak straight to the heart of the matter. Don’t slap him on the back. Don’t assume that you are on the same level as he is and always present yourself with dignity. Show him that you have self-esteem but that you are there to do what needs to be done. Be a team player.

Remember. Older men and women in the workplace are not that different than younger ones. And just as almost everyone expects a respectful attitude from his/her co-workers, so too, older people should be handled in the same way. Never underestimate the abilities of a senior person. Just look at Senator Joseph Lieberman. Over 70 and still going strong.

Content source: Respect Your Elders