“I really enjoy your column. Thanks for the great suggestions for the New Year, which I intend to use. One thing that maybe you could consider writing about is the following: It really bothers me that many people today seem to just live in their own world and have little consideration for others who are around them. Often I have walked into a building right after someone who does not appear to know that I am there and drops the door on me.

Another beef that I have is people shopping in grocery store aisles, often with a number of family members, who run into someone that they know and proceed to block the aisle as they carry on a conversation.

I think the one that bothers me the most is when you get behind someone at the local drugstore or convenience store who insists on making their purchase, get their air mile points, pay all their utilities, and both check all their lotto tickets and buy new ones while others are waiting behind them! There just seems to be a general inconsideration for others demonstrated here. I used to buy my gas at a convenience store in the Fredericton area where the owner had a policy that customers could not do prolonged lotto ticket transactions if others were waiting. More than once I have just put my purchases down and walked out!

I know that I sound like the complainer here but it really does bother me! Happy New Year and looking forward to reading you in 2012.”

The scenarios outlined above are ones to which we can all relate. No one likes having a door surprisingly slammed in his or her face. But it does happen frequently! People just do not look behind them to see if someone is coming and politely hold the door open for that next person. What we need to practice is being polite by taking a few seconds to be aware of those around us. I find that when I experience these annoying situations, a bit of self-reflection often reveals a need to slow down and be more aware of what I am doing.

In grocery stores or any store with narrow aisles and shopping carts, it is helpful to look around and try not to inconvenience others. I am not suggesting that a good ‘gossip’ isn’t appropriate quietly in the store, but most customers are not there for social purposes. They need to get in and get out. The lesson here is to consider putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. The Golden Rule comes in handy frequently. This is another call to slow down and be aware of those around you, even putting them and their feelings before yours upon occasion.

The multi-tasker at the supermarket or at the bank or even at the ticket counter can really be annoying. We have become accustomed to one-stop shopping and find accomplishing a number of chores at one place very satisfying. However, if there is a line of people behind you watching you wind through your list of lottery tickets or other time-consuming tasks, I recommend coming back at a time when the lines may be shorter. This is akin to going through a busy grocery line with a full cart of purchases without helping to bag them. We all know how annoying it is when it happens to us. This is a two-way street. It is inconsiderate and disrespectful.

Let the New Year allow you to start off with a clean slate in one important way. Slow down and pay more attention to exactly what is going on around us. As we interact with other people, whether they are fellow shoppers, clerks, or friends and family, becoming more aware of how our actions affect other people will make for a more civil society. And don’t forget to smile often. We never know how our smile can brighten someone else’s day. It happens often!

Jay Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He lives in St. Andrews, NB, Canada. E-mail your etiquette questions to jay@etiquetteguy.com and visit his website at www.etiquetteguy.com.

In her comment, she mentioned how although everyone seems to be in a hurry, it wouldn’t hurt to say “please” and “thank you” every now again, instead of simply demanding something be done.

She’s right. They are simple phrases that we often forget to utter and ones that can make a huge difference in someone’s day. Those two phrases alone said with conviction and sincerity will really endear you to anyone.

Gentle Reminder

Be polite. It doesn’t cost a thing and the benefits are many. The next time you ask someone to help you out on a project say, “please.” Or when someone does a great job on a project or turns it in before the due date, give them a hearty, “thank you.” Watch how people respond and how their mood changes and even how your workplace becomes a little more respectful.

Maybe, you’ve seen it before. As you can see it’s purple (that color we associate with diversity apparently) and tolerance is spelled out using different religious symbols to embody that yes, we are tolerant, because we are displaying everyone’s religion - at least all the major ones!

As I’ve said before, tolerance is great but respect is so much better. Tolerance is passive, whereas respect is active. If I tolerate you, I am not really exerting much effort. Hey, I could ignore you and still tolerate you.

But to respect you, I will need to get to know you. I will have to actively seek out ways to engage you. Ways that require more than slapping a bumper sticker on my car!

What this means for the workplace

If I have to tolerate you at work that means I am not seeking you out for new ideas or willing to collaborate with you. I may just be giving you what little effort I have to get by on a daily basis. I am not really engaged with you and that ultimately affects the entire organization.

But if I respect you, I will go out of my way to help you and even seek out your advice. I will share ideas with you that I know will benefit the organization. I might even collaborate with you on a project and may learn something new about you or myself. In the end, I will be a better worker if I respect you and the organization.

Only then should you go out and slap a respect bumper sticker and promote it to everyone you come into contact with!

“We treat customers how they want to be treated.”

We have all heard about the Golden Rule, where we are are supposed to treat others how we’d like to be treated. The only thing wrong with this is that it is all about us and not the person we are dealing with.

Say What?

While the Platinum Rule is not new, it is new to some. Instead of focusing solely on yourself and how you’d like to be treated, it shifts to the other person and how they’d like to be treated.

Why this is so revolutionary is that it requires you to learn more about the other person in order to treat them properly. You are not solely thinking of yourself anymore.

During this short video, Paul Meshanko, our managing partner and Tom Green, VP of Human Resources at Medical Mutual of Ohio discuss the power of respect, plus other proactive strategies and approaches to take before workplace violence becomes an issue in your organization.

“Organizations that truly leverage difference cultivate the capabilities to engage with and learn from diverse stakeholders, including employees, customers, partners, and communities.”  - Martin Davidson, The End of Diversity As We Know It

I first saw mention of The End of Diversity As We Know It on Twitter during the fall. As someone who dislikes the traditional notion of diversity, I was intrigued by the title. I contacted Martin Davidson the author begging for a review copy. I just knew it was something I wanted to share with our readers, and I was right!

According to Davidson in The End of Diversity As We Know It, the current model of “managing diversity” is not working. For it to succeed we need to transform our way of thinking into “leveraging difference” or using those those differences that make us stronger to succeed.

So how can we do this?

Davidson offers us not only tips but a proven strategy to achieve this. Obviously, all of the tactics revolve around difference. The first step is to see difference followed by understanding difference and finally engaging difference. This last step is the one that usually gets omitted in traditional diversity strategies.

Seeing difference is important, because it may not be as simple as the differences we can see. Difference can take many forms, and as Davidson points out learning about them is strategically important for your organization. But of course, you might run into barriers, and so Davidson offers helpful solutions and tips to maximize how you see difference.

Understanding difference is the part where the information you have gathered is analyzed. At this stage, Davidson gives my favorite bit of advice: be curious. That is really where you start understanding difference. Once you can see it and learn more about difference then you can engage it and leverage it.

Engaging difference is where the real change occurs. After preparing yourself and your organization to see and understand difference, engaging difference is where it all comes together. Davidson tells a fascinating story of an organization that leveraged mature workers and workers with developmental disabilities to transform and increase their entire work production.

So while I came to the book with a skepticism toward diversity, Martin Davidson (who I might add is a Cleveland native) convinced me that there is a future after “managed diversity” and that is “leveraged difference” which to me leads to an overall more respectful workplace.

Too often, we get so immersed in our busy lives that we forget to pay attention to  these so-called “niceties.” But more than a “nicety,” respect has become imperative to how we interact and work with one another.

That’s why I want to find out from you.

What is YOUR respect tip? What are the must-have behaviors that to you create respect in your life and at your organization?

Please leave a comment with your tip and you may just see it featured in a future column!

So when I was offered to do some Connecting with Respect work in a less than urban or even suburban area, I was kind of nervous, but definitely up for the challenge – even though the client had to change the date of the work to accommodate hunting season. I mean, growing up the only thing I knew about hunting was hunting for a pair of shoes at the mall – which I went to every Sunday and more – but I digress.

Leading up to the trip, I would tell people where I was going and many looked surprised and some even offered a simple, “good luck with that.” It seemed like no one and not even myself was confident that this trip wasn’t going to be anything short of a disaster and that the people I was going to be working with were less than ideal candidates to hear my message.

I wondered if the material wasn’t accessible enough, if they’d be openly hostile to my being there, or if they’d just not say anything – the kiss of death for any facilitator.

The day of the workshop I was still nervous. And when I got to the site, I was greeted by my contact, who promptly told me that in my black pants and casual suit jacket I was overdressed. Oh no, I thought, I am in the wrong place the whole time I was in a back office changing into something more relaxed – my traveling clothes for the ride home!

But all that changed when I met the group and we settled into a day of challenging not only ourselves but our beliefs. By the end of the workshop, I was raving about having such open-minded and smart participants. Nothing like the group I had conjured up in my mind, who had nothing in common with me, because of where they lived.

So what’s the moral of this story?

Well, for starters our perceptions may be just that – perceptions. Because of the location and other circumstances involved, I allowed myself to believe every stereotype about rural America and the people who live there. The mind is like that. It looks for similar information and makes judgements before you can ever learn the real truth. It was only through allowing myself to really connect with the participants, because of who they were and not their stereotypical alter egos I had in my mind that I learned to appreciate and respect them for them.

Melanie Sklarz is the web content coordinator for the RespectfulWorkplace.com site, the lead blog writer, and a facilitator for Legacy’s diversity and respect programs. Prior to working for Legacy Business Cultures, Melanie spent almost 10 years developing, facilitating and promoting education and training programs for museums and non-profits, primarily in Washington, DC. She earned her MA in Women’s Studies from the Ohio State University.

Drew Brees, quarterback of the New Orleans Saints broke the record for NFL single season passing yards on Monday Night Football. The record stood for 27 years until Brees passed for 307 yards in the game and surpassed 5,087 yards for the season with one week left to play. He snapped the record with a touchdown pass and was instantly engulfed by his offensive line. The celebration was on and true leadership was about to show its head.

Brees being a truly respectful class act after being released from the grasp of his lineman instantly started to point to the crowd in the Superdome. He was thanking the Saints fans for supporting the team. He knows who his stakeholders are. He knows who keeps the cash flow going in the business.

As the celebration continued the cameras were rolling and watched as Brees stopped and hugged every one of his teammates, coaches and sideline staffers. There was even former Saints player Steve Gleason, who recently let the world know he was diagnosed with ALS, embracing Drew on the sideline. You could see Brees tell Gleason, “I love you man!” Once again he knows who is stakeholders are.

In a moment that could be selfish and no one would say a word Brees did what true leaders do. He redirected all the attention from him onto his team in a respectful way. He made sure each member of the team knew how important they were to his success as the quarterback. He did not conduct interviews with “I” statements and take the glory. He thanked the defense, special teams, linemen, running backs, wide receivers, ball boys, equipment managers, trainers and coaches. He stopped to take pictures with teammates that wanted to remember the moment. The moment he went into the history books.

Then the cameras were allowed into the locker room where a passionate Sean Payton, head coach of the Saints delivered the victory speech. He congratulated the team on the victory, gave praise and showed respect to former record holder Dan Marino and turned over the floor to Drew.

This video shows you all you need to know on how to be a true leader.  Drew Brees Locker Room Speech (courtsey of ESPN).

When it comes time for you to lead your team and celebrate victories in the business world, take a lesson from an NFL quarterback. Your team in your company depends on your leadership and when it is easy to take the credit for success remember your stakeholders. Who is your offensive line that protects you? Who are the receivers that catch your passes? Who are the equipment managers that make sure you have the tools you need to succeed?  Finally, who are your fans? Thank them all and you will achieve continued respectful success in 2012.

Chris Capozzi serves as the Director of Business Development for Legacy Business Cultures and RespectfulWorkplace.com. He has a proven track record of success in the business and athletic arenas. Chris has led sales teams to record growth and built a startup business to over $1 million in revenue in just two years. Coach Capozzi has also used his model for success on the baseball field as a coach on the college and professional levels. His unique ability to understand human motivation from different aspects in life is the key to working with clients. He was the National Sales and Management Director for Ripken Baseball and the Corporate Development Director for the University of Phoenix. Capozzi owned his own business Between the Lines Athletics for over a decade. He has coached for Malone College, Villa Julie College, USA Baseball Athlete Development Program, Frontier League Professional Baseball and still serves as an assistant coach at Walsh University. Chris combines sound team culture with respect for each other to produce winning results on and off the field and the boardroom.

Chris has a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Phoenix and serves on the board of directors for numerous non-profit organizations. He resides in North Canton, OH with his wife Stefanie and four children.

The most effective leaders don’t use words to lead, they use their actions. Think about it. Who, as a leader, has influenced you the most in your life or career?

Do you remember them more for the words they spoke to you or the life they led? It could be a bit a both but probably their actions were more memorable in the end.

We can all say that we want to be a good leader, we are a good leader but a truly great and respectful leader does not need to say any of that, if they lead by example. As the famous adage goes, “actions speaker louder than words.”

What You Can Do

As a leader, the best thing to remember is that everything you not only say but do impacts someone else. In the workplace, this may mean being a role model that exhibits the type of behavior you want to see in your staff.