Respectful Workplace Blog

As kids, we learned the most basic lesson about respect – treat others the way we want to be treated. This is a great life lesson that has carried me through many relationships in my lifetime. As I get older, however, I am starting to believe that there is something better than the Golden Rule. Some might call it the Platinum Rule.

The Platinum Rule says this: Treat others the way they want to be treated.

As a diversity practitioner, I have learned that respect has many different meanings. Everyone has their own idea of what respect looks like, sounds like and feels like based upon their unique culture, upbringing, and socialization. There may be some similarities; however respect is one of those concepts that can be very unique to each individual.

For example, depending on a person’s culture, respect can be shown by not making eye contact when speaking to an individual. In other cultures, it is considered respectful to kiss the person that you are meeting with on one or both cheeks.

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“Merry Christmas”, “Happy Hanukah” or “Happy Holidays”? It’s a dilemma that’s a sign of the times. I’ve heard more than a few people grumble that their company has gone too far by renaming the traditional Christmas party a holiday party. “How dare they!” seems to be the sentiment.

Others bitterly (but in a low voice) protest the notion that they should have to say, “Happy Holidays” when in fact they personally celebrate Christmas. And a “holiday tree”? You don’t EVEN want to go there! Yet the fact of the matter is that we live in increasingly diverse communities and don’t really know just what some people celebrate.

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I recently read an article in Reader’s Digest entitled, What If You Said Hello to Everyone In Your Path for a Month? that really made me stop and think. Could something as simple as saying “hello” more often make a difference to a workplace environment?

One of the conclusions from the article is that, nowadays, many people are taken aback when someone is friendly or simply utters a casual “hello”. I admit I am one of those people. Often we get too caught up in our cell phone conversations or are just too busy to acknowledge those who cross our path daily. And when we do hear someone unexpectedly say “hello”, it catches us off guard. But when you think about it, smiling and greeting someone takes so very little time and effort, but the benefits can be seen and felt almost immediately.

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Earlier this month I had the opportunity to attend an overnight workshop which involved working with horses. Let me be clear, this was not a horse training or riding class, but rather a personal development workshop that incorporated horses into the process as co-facilitators.
 
What I ended up learning was not only a lot about myself, but also plenty about respect – giving and receiving it – from the horses. Establishing respect with a horse is not unlike the dance we undertake to garner the respect of another human being. Horses, like humans, respond to communication that involves both verbal and non-verbal cues to convey respect.
 
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Every day brings a myriad of opportunities to increase our awareness, wisdom and, ultimately, effectiveness. The problem is that most of us walk right past these opportunities because of a little glitch in our mental “software.”

Years ago, a friend of mine, who is a behavioral psychologist, shared an insight that has stuck with me. While presenting to a local group of Training and Organizational Development professionals, he asked a very simple question:

“What is the strongest need that human beings consistently act upon?”

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The dictionary defines respect as “to show regard or consideration for” and “to hold in esteem or honor.” In previous blog posts, we have mentioned that Respect Starts at the Top and that Respect Doesn’t Need to Walk on Eggshells.
 
So what is respect in the workplace? According to an article Paul wrote:

“For those in pursuit of increased organizational effectiveness, there’s a new game in town. Respect. And given the demographic shifts impacting the North American workplace, it makes perfect sense. Over the past several years, there have been dozens of articles written that suggest organizations can achieve higher levels of productivity, raise morale and, subsequently, retain more of their best employees when they have cultures anchored in respect. 

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There’s an old saying that people support what they help create. The caveat is that we also oftentimes resist what is thrust upon us by someone else (especially if their intentions are unclear). After five straight days of work with two different clients this past week, I’m as committed as ever to the belief that employees and managers must together both define and own their work culture.

Using a relatively simple exercise called “Creating Our Code of Cooperation”, managers (including senior leaders) and associates took part in a discussion of what behaviors they wanted to be able to expect from each other. Simple things like saying “please” and “thank you” were mentioned. Taking the time to recognize the accomplishments of peers and holding themselves accountable for outcomes also made the list. Celebrating successes came up with both client groups.

Interestingly, what also made the lists were behaviors the participants agreed to refrain from. No gossiping, no yelling or use of profanity, and no blaming others when things didn’t go the right way. A culture, as it turns out, can be defined just as much by what we don’t do as well as what we do.

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According to Mark Pinto, a Cleveland based consultant, treating all with respect is a characteristic of a humble leader. While that may not have always been perceived as a necessary quality of an exceptional leader, in today’s changing workplace it has become a necessity:

“We are all called to leadership and as human beings all capable of fulfilling the role, whether we do it through self leadership, leadership within a small group or leadership in a much larger way. Humility does not seem to [be a] part of leadership as it is often misconstrued as a lack of self confidence.

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Ned Parks recently posted a story about a woman who would request that co-workers put away newspapers that displayed pictures of a politician she didn’t like. She reportedly found it “disrespectful”.

Chetan Borkhetaria, referencing the same example, intelligently asked whether it was possible to take common courtesies too far.

Is a culture where everyone feels obligated to share excessive “pleases”, “thank yous”, and “I’m sorries” really healthy? The answer is no. At least not if the behaviors are driven by a sense of fear and caution.

Respect is a two-way street. One direction is intention (of behaviors and words) and the other is perception. The true litmus test of a respectful workplace is whether or not the predominate intentions are to treat co-workers in ways that value, esteem and dignify them. This, of course, requires an inquisitive, learning environment where people gradually learn more about their peers so they know what is important to them. It’s difficult to value and esteem people if you don’t know what they value and how they show it.

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A company’s culture is one of its most important assets. Culture plays a role in helping to attract the best talent and it is absolutely vital to engaging, developing and retaining that talent. And while no single culture is best for all organizations (or even functions within an organization), there is one cultural variable that is universally beneficial.

Respect

An environment of respect provides an emotional safety net that frees people up to do their work without having to expend energy watching their backs and protecting themselves from the potentially harmful words and actions of managers and co-workers.

When people feel emotionally safe, they’re more creative, more focused, more open to new approaches, more supportive of company objectives, and usually more willing to go the extra mile to help get there. There is no downside to a respectful workplace atmosphere.

So how do you get there?

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