Forms of Address – A Generational Difference?
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010
I am writing in response to Mr. Remer’s recent post on the topic of names and formality. I agree with half of his argument: it is objectively disrespectful when you forget a friend or colleague’s name. However, I think the second point, about addressing others with a formal title (Mr., Miss), may be a legitimate generational norm. If younger folks (even those who are married and have kids, like myself) feel uncomfortable when so addressed, isn’t it within their rights to forego this convention, and shouldn’t we honor their preference by addressing them in a style that speaks to their perceptions of reality? Moreover, the point is made in the article that intent matters; we all forget names from time to time and a sincere apology and request for a reminder should not be viewed in a negative light. In the same vein, if children or even peers fail to address others by their given title, but do so without malice or arrogance, I contend that first names can be used respectfully. If someone else feels slighted, they have the option to handle the situation maturely, and are entitled to politely ask that they be addressed according to their preference.
To take the contextual argument one step further, in certain cultures, bowing when greeting others is a sign of respect and a recognized social convention. It would be unusual, to say the least, if an American businessman (in America) greeted a prospective American client by bowing. In fact, such an act may actually jeopardize the account, for the sheer confusion caused by the gesture! On the other hand, if the counterpart was Japanese, this would seem appropriate. However, what about a Japanese American? How do we know if a person one generation removed from their home country/culture expects that sort of treatment? How about a person two generations removed? It can be difficult to know what other people want.





