My favorite part of Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, is Appendix B that outlines the “Hallmarks of an Emotional Mind.” If you’ve had a reaction and wonder if your emotions have “hijacked” you, look to see if your reactions fit this list:

1. A quick but sloppy response: an accurate perception is sacrificed for speed. Speed is what makes our emotions so helpful at protecting us from danger, and so harmful (when the danger is imagined).

2. Feelings come first: then we realize what happened. Our feelings seem to happen to us. We can practice ways of intervening but strong feelings have biological pathways that will always precede thought.

3. Our emotions often have a childlike logic and can contain symbolic meanings. This is why it is impossible to argue with someone “possessed” by an emotion. It is also why deciphering the meaning of an emotion can be so difficult.

4. Strong feelings are often a reaction to past events– not present realities. Taking time to understand these emotions can help us identify the unconscious thoughts (from the past) that are still driving our behavior (and reactions).

5. Our perception of reality is based on the emotion we are feeling. Even our memories can shift as we seek “proof” and “justification” for our reactions. Even though we may be very wrong in our assessments, strong feelings can leave us convinced of their accuracy.

How would you describe the experience of being overtaken by an emotion?

Laura Lewis-Barr is a Development Dimensions International Certified trainer and a Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Certified trainer. Laura has been teaching communication skills for over 15 years. Her specialties include: dynamic presentation skills, emotional intelligence, time management, conflict resolution, and customer service.

Earlier this year Paul was interviewed for a story in Inside Business magazine about how to respectfully lay off employees.

His latest article as a featured expert on respectful layoffs appeared in the business section of the Cleveland Plain Dealer on Sunday, June 21, 2009.

The Difficult and Delicate Job of Laying Off Employees: Though Workers are Most Affected, Managers, Company Feel Impact
By Marcia Pledger

When Lloyd Buckwell accepted a new job last year, he knew he would have to lay people off.

Knowing it didn’t make it any easier.

“You’re trying to build and right-size an organization so it will survive, but at the same time, you’re dealing with people’s lives,” said Buckwell, who was involved in about 1,000 layoffs as director of human resources for Wastequip Inc., in Beachwood.

“It’s always personal,” Buckwell said. “I’ve had to be in the room as people are calling their spouses saying, I just lost my job. I’m coming home.’ ”

As the recession has lingered, hundreds of bosses like Buckwell have found themselves in the uncomfortable position of telling employees they’re losing their jobs.

How they handle the task could be one of the most important decisions they make in their working lives. It obviously has the most effect on the laid-off employee, but it also carries implications for remaining workers, the company’s reputation and the manager’s own emotional well-being.

And there’s no good way to do it. But some ways are better than others.

(Read the Entire Article)

Recently someone forwarded to me an online article, featuring Adam Bender, an exceptional 8 year-old athlete, who happens to have only one leg.

According to Michelle Bender, Adam’s mother:

“Adam has helped other kids see that a person with a disability can be fun to hang out with, and play with, and they can still be a part of a community or part of a team. It’s developed the kids’ compassion, and if he can inspire even one family to allow their kid to try something they normally might not try, that’s great.”

Watch Adam playing baseball.

Corporate trainer and brain science enthusiast Laura Lewis-Barr is our latest guest blogger. Below she shares her insights into mirror neurons, empathy and what this all means for creating more respect in the workplace.

Empathy and Mirror Neurons

I’m not a brain scientist, but I’ve been thinking about mirror neurons after seeing a wonderful video on them. These specialized brain cells help us relate to our surroundings and other people. Mirror cells build empathy and connection. They are activated every time we see or hear.

The video suggested that mirror neurons function even more profoundly when we witness an emotion or activity that we ourselves have experienced. This explains why my husband can feel intensely involved when simply watching a football game and I am unmoved. This also explains why emotional literacy is so vital in helping us develop empathy. Our mirror neurons link our past emotional memories and compare them to what we witness in another. We can then have a sense of how the other person feels-i.e. we can feel empathy.

(more…)

One of the Rules of Engagement that we promote during our respectful workplace program is ‘to value the many different sources of knowledge that exist’. While we present this as a guideline to consider during the program, I’ve also found it equally useful in my own life.

Recently I was chatting with a close friend who is African-American. She and I have known each other for years and therefore can be candid with one another, especially when it comes to issues of race. During the conversation she told me a story about discrimination. It wasn’t a story about discrimination that had happened to her but rather told to her by a good friend, who is white. She told my friend that where she grew up in the Upper Midwest her family had been discriminated against in their town, because they were from a different Eastern European ethnic minority than their neighbors. My friend, an intelligent college-educated woman in her mid-30s, couldn’t understand this story.

Why?

(more…)