Recently, I received a number of requests on how to deal with less formal uses of address. It seems like most forms of address have become extremely relaxed over the years to the point of being disrespectful. I maintain that this is a direct generational response by parents reacting to their own upbringing. Whatever the reason, the end result diminishes the respect shown to one another in subtle ways, which reflects an attitude of laziness, inappropriate familiarity and just plain rudeness.

One reader stated:

“I have a pet peeve about how the ordinary citizen is addressed, say, in a doctor’s office. I am always ‘Mary’, which I sometimes don’t hear because I have a double first name which is Mary Jane. Granted my name is not easy but I could be referred to as Ms. Jones which never happens even if the speaker is 20! Is this lack of effort to call someone by their rightful name because there is overall very little respect for anyone anymore?”

My explanation, for this all too common phenomenon, is that people simply don’t realize that something as simple as how we refer to one another is the very essence of showing respect. I believe we are more consumed with “I” and “me” and thus end up taking the easy way out of conducting ourselves. Without  guidance and social education, people will continue to ignore showing one another a sense of decency. There is also carelessness about not listening to or paying attention to what a person’s name is. It creates a perception that the individual just doesn’t matter.

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In November 2008, my book Road to Respect: Path to Profit was in the final design stages. I had chosen five Employers of Choice to illustrate the main theme of the book – that a strategically built values-based culture with respect as a core value was simply a business imperative for success in today’s marketplace.

It never occurred to me, as Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, to start looking for my heart’s desire, in this case those Employers of Choice, in my own backyard. However, when I heard about the 2008 B(ritish)C(Columbia) Business Best Companies survey, I thought I would attend the awards banquet to learn how local companies compared to those I had chosen to feature in Road to Respect. Not surprisingly, much of what I heard that evening from the winning companies reflected what I know to be true – treat your employees with respect, let them know they are valued, support them to be successful and they will produce the superior business results you are after.

I was fortunate that evening to be seated at a table with the team from Nurse Next Door, one of the Best Companies nominees, including co-founders Ken Sim and John DeHart. Nurse Next Door came in 8th in 2008. 2009 they moved up to number 1 and were named the top employer in BC for firms with over 100 employees.

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There has been a lot of discussion lately about the “unretired” – seniors who are returning to the workforce in droves for economic or personal reasons. I call this formidable group “Gen U™” because they represent an astounding number of people who have a completely different mindset from that of prior retired generations. Thankfully, smart companies are beginning to embrace their value, wisdom and experience.

In fact, even those who had plans to retire will not. A recent study by the AARP revealed that eight out of 10 of the 80 million Baby Boomers will work part- or full-time rather than retire. Those 64 million “unretiring” Americans will constitute the biggest demographic shift in the American workforce since Baby Boomers emerged.

The reasons Americans are returning to work in record numbers include, first and foremost, economic demands triggered by the deepest postwar recession, but also such factors as boredom, wanting more camaraderie, mental stimulation or a sense of purpose. Gen U laid the foundation for the high technology revolution and challenged the status quo of business in the 1960s. Now, they are challenging what we traditionally knew as “retirement” — to the benefit of progressive organizations.

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One of my triggers is a desire to “fight for my rights” if I sense that I’m not supported in my work. My fight response may manifest subtly as a tenacious search for an “unavailable” library book or the dogged pursuit of information from a tight-lipped colleague. But underneath my smiling mask, I’m angry and even a bit paranoid at my treatment. Why is this book unavailable when I know interlibrary loan has hundreds of copies to share? Previously, the librarian had seemed miffed at my voracious reading habit. Are her curt responses a way to dissuade my extensive borrowing? Or am I imagining this? Just because I’m (somewhat) paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get me…..

One of the many benefits of EI is that, knowing my patterns, I can question my assumptions and try to avoid overreacting to real or imagined threats. While I mostly relate with patience and kindness to others, if I’m triggered, my distrust looms large. Suddenly simple conversations become minefields. I expect the worst and then….I get it. Instead of peaceful and pleasant exchanges, I find that others are angry and unreasonable. Why won’t they help me get what I need?

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I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas. It was “their” holiday. It wasn’t until I met my late husband that I experienced the “magic” of Christmas; the amazing smell of a living tree, the fun of decorating, the comfort of lights on dark winter evenings, the eggnog, the gingerbread and of course, the chocolate. I was hooked!

On December 6, 2001 my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He had his first chemotherapy treatment a few days later and spent his last Christmas in a hospital bed. He made me promise to have Christmas as usual for our five year old daughter. I will never forget being in our basement on Christmas Eve, after having put out the milk and cookies for Santa, crying and wrapping, lamenting, “I can’t do this! What do I know about this? I’m Jewish”.

Although my husband has been dead for seven years, we still celebrate Christmas, along with all of the Jewish holidays. As the Jewish holiday of Hanukah is also celebrated in December, on Christmas Eve I have a Chrismukah dinner. Instead of mashed potatoes, I serve latkes, potato pancakes, aka round hash browns. For dessert, along with the Christmas goodies, there is suganyot – an Israeli jelly doughnut, another Hanukah treat. The kids play dreidel, a traditional Hanukah game which involves a spinning top and a pile of gold chocolate coins (or money). My friend’s daughter had so much fun playing dreidel at our house, the following year she asked Santa to bring her a dreidel for Christmas.

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