So much conflict can be hidden under the surface of our actions and conversations. In the theatre, this is called “subtext.”

Here are some examples of ways employees fight while smiling. Names have been changed but the scenarios are true.

1. Creating obstacles. “Tracy” is a talented office manager, but if she feels slighted, her ability to solve problems comes to a screeching halt. Suddenly, numerous intractable obstacles appear. If one is solved, another emerges. Some coworkers have called Tracy, “controlling” and they complain of her micromanaging. Others have learned to keep Tracy “in the loop” and report no problems. They have realized Tracy’s need to feel needed. While some coworkers are stuck in constant battles with Tracy’s procedures, others have found a coworker with incredible talents and a powerful work ethic.

2. Stonewalling. “Joan” feels insecure in her new supervisory position. Because of this, she confesses (to her closest friends) ongoing suspicions of her colleagues’ motives. Because Joan is convinced that most of her staff are against her, she rarely listens to their concerns. Instead, convinced that they want her to fail, she schemes to achieve her goals without her staff’s input. Tracy (see above) works for Joan. Can you imagine their battles? While friends sometimes challenge Joan to question her beliefs, their words make little impact. Joan’s fear overrides every other message.

3. Gossip. “Carla,” also works for Joan, and like Tracy, values being included in decision-making. Carla detests Joan’s autocratic style and has grown to want her boss to fail (those fulfilling Joan’s greatest nightmare). Carla gossips about Joan and has predisposed many in the organization to dislike the new supervisor.

Joan, Tracy, and Carla also have different working styles. Carla and Tracy like order, predictability, and security. Joan likes spontaneity, risk, and quick decisions. As the supervisor, Joan hasn’t taken the time to understand her staff’s need for structure. Joan is certain of her staff’s defiance, but she is unaware of how she has helped create it. Because Joan assumes the worst from Carla and Tracy, she has never tried to discover what these women need to function at their best. Instead, Joan relies on brute authority and her staff finds ways to thwart her goals.

How does fighting manifest in your workplace?

Laura Lewis-Barr is a Development Dimensions International Certified trainer and a Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Certified trainer. Laura has been teaching communication skills for over 15 years. Her specialties include: dynamic presentation skills, emotional intelligence, time management, conflict resolution, and customer service.

Unfortunately, the cultural norm of speaking up experienced by the employees at Nurse Next Door is the exception rather than the rule. In most workplaces, employees routinely make the choice to put up and shut up. In cases of disrespectful behavior like harassment and bullying, a first incident typically turns into a pattern, one that has dire consequences for the individuals involved and their workplace. Productivity drops, absenteeism rises, teamwork and service delivery degenerate.

Research shows that individuals on the receiving end of disrespect at work spend up to 50% of their time on the job dealing with the effects of the disrespectful behavior. New ideas, creativity and innovation are stifled by the fear that disrespect spawns. Math may not be my strong suit, but it is fairly obvious that if employees are spending almost half their time focused on something other than the job that they are being paid to do, that is a serious business problem.

To prevent this outcome, employees must be empowered to speak up, to give respectful feedback when they have concerns, problems or are experiencing disrespectful behavior at work. In a respectful workplace culture, speaking up is the status quo, “the way it is around here.”

To support clients interested in developing this norm I offer a presentation called Speak Up Speak Out: Personal Power and Respect in the Workplace, designed to equip employees to be able to express themselves respectfully at work. While of course most of us know how to communicate, very few of us know how to communicate effectively and respectfully, particularly in a conflict situation. We talk about the reasons we don’t speak up: cultural norms, fear, power and the communication skill gap. I share some simple communication models which provide a framework to allow employees to speak up with respect.

After reviewing the models I always ask participants what they think of them. More often that I would care to remember, someone inevitably says that while the models seem great, they don’t know if they would use them. When I ask why not I hear a variation of “I hate confrontation.”

What I interpret that to mean is that confrontation, rather than conversation, is the cultural norm in their workplace. Their experience is that giving feedback, speaking up, means a confrontation. And let’s face it, most of us will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. As a result, issues that are interfering with an individual’s ability to do their job well, to achieve their full potential and contribute to the success of the business are not being dealt with. That silence is slowly killing any chance for top employer status.

Companies looking to emulate the success of Nurse Next Door and other employers of choice must create workplace cultures where speaking up becomes a cultural norm. To respond to market demands and the ever increasing pace of change which is the new organizational reality, companies need to have adaptable, responsive cultures, where employees are empowered and able to speak up and speak out to those they work with as well as those they report to.

A foundation of respectful conversation builds cohesive and productive teams and businesses. It promotes creativity and continuous improvement while ensuring that disrespectful behaviors are not going unreported and bleeding away productivity and profitability. To avoid the dreaded confrontation, conversation - the willingness to listen, consider divergent perspectives, give feedback and engage in respectful dialogue with others should become the norm for all employees at work.

What is the experience of employees in your workplace when they speak up? Is the norm conversation or confrontation? Are you willing to risk not knowing the answer to that question?

Erica Pinsky, B.A., M.Sc, CHRP, is an engaging and inspirational speaker, author and consultant working with organizations to build respectful and inclusive workplace cultures that attract and retain quality employees. Creative, dynamic and results oriented, Erica is passionate about promoting workplace cultures where employees feel engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs in an environment free from discrimination, harassment, bullying and destructive conflict. Erica’s new book, Road to Respect, Path to Profit gives companies a road map to success in today’s challenging business climate.

Studies have shown that the effects of kindness not only make you feel good but also improve your mental and physical health. In 1991 Allan Luks, former executive director of the Institute for the Advancement of Health and executive director of Big Brothers/Big Sisters of New York City, conducted a study of several thousand volunteers located around the country to understand what their emotional state was like after they helped someone else. He determined that helping others and performing acts of kindness improved the overall health of study participants, even lowering stress.

So what are the workplace implications of Luks’s results? Well obviously we are living through some extremely difficult and stressful economic times, so if an act of kindness can help, even in some small way, wouldn’t you want to try it? And wouldn’t you want to try it in the workplace, which may well be the most stressful environment you are exposed to on a daily basis?

In my previous career, I was a volunteer trainer and manager in Washington, DC during some stressful times – think 9/11, Anthrax, sniper murders and the Iraq War. Also, if you’ve ever been a volunteer or managed them you know that it can often be a thankless job, because even though you are not getting paid, it is still a job. That’s why I always made a point to celebrate my volunteers everyday by going out of my way to send them thank-you notes, give them calls, or leave them treats. Often a simple smile and appreciative “thank you” did the trick.

So what did I learn from this? Not only did my small tokens of gratitude make my volunteers feel better about themselves and their work, but it also made me feel better. It was as if the feel-good feelings were contagious. And you know what? The volunteers noticed and several times reciprocated. Occasionally, I would find flowers on my desk, for no reason, given to me by a thankful volunteer, proving that kindness can be infectious.

This week I challenge you to start small by doing one act of kindness at work, whether it is simply welcoming a new hire, telling your boss you appreciate him or her, sharing positive news or quotes or even just a smile. Hopefully you’ll see the benefits immediately, and it will inspire you to make this a regular habit at work, one that you don’t even have to think about!

Melanie Sklarz spent almost 10 years developing, facilitating and promoting education and training programs for museums and non-profits, primarily in Washington, DC. She has an interest in new media marketing strategies, especially blogs, and has authored her own blog since 2006. Melanie is the web content coordinator for the RespectfulWorkplace.com site and blog as well as a facilitator for Edge Learning’s diversity and respect programs.

To take the contextual argument one step further, in certain cultures, bowing when greeting others is a sign of respect and a recognized social convention. It would be unusual, to say the least, if an American businessman (in America) greeted a prospective American client by bowing. In fact, such an act may actually jeopardize the account, for the sheer confusion caused by the gesture!  On the other hand, if the counterpart was Japanese, this would seem appropriate. However, what about a Japanese American? How do we know if a person one generation removed from their home country/culture expects that sort of treatment? How about a person two generations removed? It can be difficult to know what other people want.

I, for one, believe that most people are flexible, and don’t get offended easily. For most of us, it may not make a huge difference whether someone addresses us by our first name or with a “Mister” in front of our last name. If we encounter someone with a strong preference, one way or another, this fact becomes evident pretty quickly (like when you meet someone and they keep referring to you as “Mr. Ziff” despite you calling them Bob). These situations can be rapidly diagnosed and easily remedied (in the case I just mentioned, I would quickly refer to the other individual as “Mr. Smith”). Challenging others’ preferences (”It’s weird that you keep insisting that I call you Mr. Smith”) or ignoring the signals (”Mr. Ziff, what did our client have to say about that?” …”Well, Bob, they weren’t too pleased”) is rude.  Not knowing or not realizing prior to a conversation that your counterpart is a definite “Mister” falls into the former category of an honest mistake/misunderstanding.

A short story, in summary: when my wife and I were engaged, we had the surprisingly contentious conversation regarding what we should call one another’s parents. I referred to my parents by the traditional Hebrew terms for mother and father, while my wife called her parents Mom and Dad. Seems simple, right? Well, it took me a very long time to make “Mom and Dad” feel natural, and to this day (six-plus years later) I still get a twinge of cognitive dissonance when I address them that way. My wife uses the same terms as I do when speaking with my parents, but she had very mixed feelings about expanding the “mom and dad” category to include two people that hadn’t raised her. She had the additional good fortune of having to figure out how to handle my dad’s second wife (three years into our marriage my dad got remarried). We both call her by her first name only. What’s the point of all of this? Sometimes there is no clear-cut answer. We work with what we’ve got, and we try our best to maintain an appropriate level of respect and deference, as our personal experiences dictate.

Aaron Ziff is the Senior Partner, Business Development and Surveys for Edge Learning of Ohio / RespectfulWorkplace.com. He has a diverse background in human resources, having served as executive recruiter, HR generalist, measurement specialist, and business developer in his career. Aaron earned his bachelor’s degree in psychology from Yeshiva University (New York City), along with a master’s degree in industrial & organizational psychology from the University of Akron.

One reader stated:

“I have a pet peeve about how the ordinary citizen is addressed, say, in a doctor’s office. I am always ‘Mary’, which I sometimes don’t hear because I have a double first name which is Mary Jane. Granted my name is not easy but I could be referred to as Ms. Jones which never happens even if the speaker is 20! Is this lack of effort to call someone by their rightful name because there is overall very little respect for anyone anymore?”

My explanation, for this all too common phenomenon, is that people simply don’t realize that something as simple as how we refer to one another is the very essence of showing respect. I believe we are more consumed with “I” and “me” and thus end up taking the easy way out of conducting ourselves. Without  guidance and social education, people will continue to ignore showing one another a sense of decency. There is also carelessness about not listening to or paying attention to what a person’s name is. It creates a perception that the individual just doesn’t matter.

My advice to anyone who thinks this detail really goes unnoticed and doesn’t matter is that they are absolutely wrong. There is nothing more personal than one’s name. Getting it wrong sends shock waves through most people. This is why it is so important to take the time and make the effort to focus on a person’s correct name and title. And if you don’t know the person, it is a good idea to call them by their last name (surname) preceded by Mr., Miss, Mrs. or in my opinion, the unfortunate Ms. Only when someone gives you permission to call them by their first name is it okay to do so. If you are introduced by a third party using first names then it is acceptable to use a first name.

In a professional setting, there is nothing wrong with using formalities. In fact, it is down right rude not to in most cases. Even when going to see your doctor, refer to him or her as ‘doctor’. You are seeing them as a professional and they should be addressed accordingly. Similarly, receptionists should not call you by your first name. Familiarity of this sort screams disrespect.

We like it when we are called by our name. In fact, we are annoyed when people get our names wrong. Using one another’s name is a sign of respect. It shows that you matter and that someone has taken the time and effort to remember your name. Addressing someone by their proper name lets that person know that they stand out in your thoughts. Though memory does not always serve us well and we can forget names from time to time, simply admit that you have forgotten a name, apologize and ask for their name again. Since this happens to all of us, it should not be considered bad form. Remember the cardinal rule of recognizing the intent behind what we say. We don’t purposely forget names and should not be chastised for it.

I recommend paying close attention to how we address each other. As it matters to you how you are introduced and spoken to, it matters to everyone else too. We all deserve the same level of respect. This simple act goes a long way in making the communities in which we live and work more civilized.

Jay Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He lives in St. Andrews, NB, Canada. E-mail your etiquette questions to jay@etiquetteguy.com and visit his website at www.etiquetteguy.com.

It never occurred to me, as Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, to start looking for my heart’s desire, in this case those Employers of Choice, in my own backyard. However, when I heard about the 2008 B(ritish)C(Columbia) Business Best Companies survey, I thought I would attend the awards banquet to learn how local companies compared to those I had chosen to feature in Road to Respect. Not surprisingly, much of what I heard that evening from the winning companies reflected what I know to be true – treat your employees with respect, let them know they are valued, support them to be successful and they will produce the superior business results you are after.

I was fortunate that evening to be seated at a table with the team from Nurse Next Door, one of the Best Companies nominees, including co-founders Ken Sim and John DeHart. Nurse Next Door came in 8th in 2008. 2009 they moved up to number 1 and were named the top employer in BC for firms with over 100 employees.

Nurse Next Door offers elderly home health care services across Canada. Their business has been growing rapidly, and expansion plans include opening US franchises in the near future. You may not have long to wait to experience precisely what is making Nurse Next Door so successful up here north of the 49th parallel.

I had the opportunity last month to sit down with John DeHart and learn more about what propelled Nurse Next Door to the number one spot as BC’s Top Employer. No doubt this is a company that is getting a lot of things right, and when I say right, I mean creating a respectful workplace culture where employees simply love to work. While the average turnover among field workers in their industry is 70%, at Nurse Next Door it is a mere 7%. At their corporate “heart quarters”, employee turnover is a minimal 1%.

When I asked Ellen DuBellay, VP learning and development at Four Seasons hotels and resorts about hiring practices within their Golden Rule culture, her answer was short and succinct. “We hire for attitude and train for skill. We are always looking for someone who is nice.” Not surprisingly, I heard a similar theme expressed when I asked that question of Nurse Next Door’s John DeHart. “You can train someone for skill. You can’t train someone to be aligned with your core values. Our entire hiring process is structured around our core values. For us, it is the golden rule. When you have your core values alive in your company, they attract the right people, and they repel the wrong people. Values are like honey to bees.”

Nurse Next Door, like the Employers of Choice I feature in Road to Respect is truly a values driven company. The values form the basis for every business decision and every business practice. One critical distinction however, is that at Nurse Next Door, like Zappos, another very successful values driven company I featured in this blog last year , respect is not explicitly included in their core values. And yet the culture I heard described embraces and models respectful practices.

I asked John DeHart to help me understand how ethical values like respect and integrity fit within Nurse Next Door’s overall culture. His answer was short and to the point. “I look at integrity and respect as get in the game core values. As a company, if you are hiring someone that does not have integrity, you should be giving them a pink slip. No one should be hiring anyone without integrity or who does not want to demonstrate respect. Really it doesn’t matter what your core values are. If you are living your core values, that is integrity, that is respect.”

I couldn’t agree more. How about you?

Hear the complete 37 minute interview with Nurse Next Door founder John DeHart. Please be patient. It may take a few minutes for the page to load due to the size of the file.

Erica Pinsky, B.A., M.Sc, CHRP, is an engaging and inspirational speaker, author and consultant working with organizations to build respectful and inclusive workplace cultures that attract and retain quality employees. Creative, dynamic and results oriented, Erica is passionate about promoting workplace cultures where employees feel engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs in an environment free from discrimination, harassment, bullying and destructive conflict. Erica’s new book, Road to Respect, Path to Profit gives companies a road map to success in today’s challenging business climate.

In fact, even those who had plans to retire will not. A recent study by the AARP revealed that eight out of 10 of the 80 million Baby Boomers will work part- or full-time rather than retire. Those 64 million “unretiring” Americans will constitute the biggest demographic shift in the American workforce since Baby Boomers emerged.

The reasons Americans are returning to work in record numbers include, first and foremost, economic demands triggered by the deepest postwar recession, but also such factors as boredom, wanting more camaraderie, mental stimulation or a sense of purpose. Gen U laid the foundation for the high technology revolution and challenged the status quo of business in the 1960s. Now, they are challenging what we traditionally knew as “retirement” — to the benefit of progressive organizations.

Granted, we’re in the midst of high unemployment, and this is a difficult time for more entrees into the workforce. But as the rebound emerges, more companies will seek a wide range of talent, as well as a healthy age mix that is more representative of our society. (An interesting report on this shift is at BusinessWeek.com.)

Consider the sheer numbers alone. Currently there are:

• 80 million baby boomers
• 46 million Generation Xers
• 78 million millennials (Gen Y)

A Few Key Facts

Gen U’s contributions reside not only in their skills sets garnered over many years, which can be passed onto Gen X, Gen Y, and Baby Boomers. They have also learned a thing or two about people skills — something often lost on today’s frenzied, high-tech workplace. These facts further underscore that this shift is here to stay for the foreseeable future.

1. 93% of the growth in the American labor market from now until 2016 will be from workers 55 and older [because] new estimates show the average retired couple may need more than $300,000 in savings to live comfortably and pay off late-life health care costs. [Source: Pew Research Center.]

2. Only 20% of retirees now feel very confident they have enough money to live comfortably throughout their retirement, down from 41% in 2007. [Source: Employee Benefit Research Institute.]

3. 36% of those 56 or older are still working — more than ever. That’s more than twice as many as in 1984 [Source: 2007 Bureau of Labor Statistics report.]

4. 9.5 million Americans are considering at least a partial return to the workforce because of the economic downturn. [Source: Charles Schwab Corporation.]

The Challenges

Companies and members of Gen U alike can tap into this opportunity and mutually benefit – through understanding, effort and by abandoning stereotypical behavior. Hiring managers must be savvy about age discrimination laws at all times, but particularly when working with Gen U – as early as the interview stage.

In general, there must be sensitivity to unproven myths and how they manifest themselves, not just for the sake of productivity, but for human decency as well. Similarly, a work veteran of 45+ years who reports to a 30-something with specialized skills may find it challenging. But the Gen Uer, but must treat him or her, too, with respect.

A Win-Win

This shift can certainly be a win-win. Gen U is can be an educated, energetic and rededicated group of individuals — many of whom are taking online courses to upgrade their skills. These returning seniors add numerous assets to the workforce:

• Experience: The typical Gen U reentering the workforce is a senior professional with significant depth of knowledge. Technology and other tactical skills can be taught, but there is no substitute for experience.

• Interpersonal Intelligence: Human relations skills are perhaps the most valuable skill a person can have in this increasingly high-tech world. They are hard to teach and aren’t developed overnight. Being an “office diplomat” is often developed over a lifetime of work.

• Virtual Team Availability: Global companies have employees scattered throughout the world who must work with many cultures, diverse beliefs and work styles. Skilled project managers with years of organizational and time-management experience can help keep team players on track and productive.

• Mentoring: The workforce benefits by being able to tap into a Gen U’s area of expertise as mentors who can pass along shortcuts to growth and success.

• Part-Time or On-Call Access: After the recent economic crisis, more companies are eyeing the benefits of having workers there when you need them. Gen Uers benefit from having a flexible schedule that allows them to work around their other activities or financial needs.

Smoothing Over the Rough Edges

Today’s need for a humanized workplace can be well served by such timeless, valued traditions as business etiquette and diplomacy — tenets of business practices applied more extensively in the heyday of the Gen Uers. These skills are the antithesis of what I call Terrible Office Tyrant (TOT) behavior where non-savvy bosses and co-workers can wreak havoc in the workplace and diminish company’s profits.

With age often comes an ability to see the forest for the trees and put pettiness aside. Perhaps Gen Uers understand well the meaning of Bonnie Raitt’s lyrics in “Nick of Time”: “Life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste.” At work, they can see the larger picture, adding Gen-U-ine value to enlightened companies.

Lynn Taylor is a nationally recognized workplace expert and author of the newly released book, Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant™(TOT): How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job (John Wiley & Sons). Taylor is a regular online contributor to BusinessWeek and Psychology Today, the monthly HR columnist for SmartHRmanager.com and the CEO of Lynn Taylor Consulting. For more information, visit Lynn Taylor Consulting, TameYourTOT.com or GenerationUworkforce.com.

One of the many benefits of EI is that, knowing my patterns, I can question my assumptions and try to avoid overreacting to real or imagined threats. While I mostly relate with patience and kindness to others, if I’m triggered, my distrust looms large. Suddenly simple conversations become minefields. I expect the worst and then….I get it. Instead of peaceful and pleasant exchanges, I find that others are angry and unreasonable. Why won’t they help me get what I need?

It’s remarkable to realize that even when I try to hide my fear or anger, others sense it and react. Because we are all civilized humans, our squirmishes can be extremely subtle and happen in a microsecond. We may be smiling but through tiny shifts of nonverbals and inflections, we’ll send a message covertly. The true dimensions of our fight happen outside our awareness. Then we can each feel innocent and victimized.

I’ve learned through much inner work that I can trust my intuitions. I’m not crazy. My librarian may indeed be thwarting my desires. But even if she is, my inner reactions say more about my own psyche than the outward situation. Why are my reactions to this so strong? (No one else might see it, but I know I’ve been triggered.) My book requests are important to me. They represent a chance at learning and growth and advancement. I’ve coached myself throughout this past year to not react too strongly when “Rita” seems to avoid my requests. When she wouldn’t answer my emails, I went to her office and had a pleasant visit. Another time, when she seemed upset, I brought cookies. We’ve had great chats and my book crisis seemed solved–my patience rewarded. But then I get another cryptic email and my anger and despair rush forward.

I’ll keep working on my reactions. Rita may be slow to help, or maybe I continue to misread her communications. Whatever the case, these events offer great stories for my training and a hefty opportunity to explore some “hot” wiring in my psyche. And my discomfort? A wise teacher once helped me see that my discomfort is a form of grief –in this case, grief from some past injustice. She told me that if I could simply allow myself to feel this pain, i.e. to grieve, my feelings would dissipate and lose their hold. A simple concept and so hard to do! But she was right. As I feel these difficult emotions, they pass through me and I grow stronger.

I write to remind myself of what I already know. To encourage myself to feel my grief when I want to wring Rita’s neck. It’s a small thing, a library book, but the small moments can teach us the most. Huge events can be too overwhelming. Or we rationalize and say that our extreme reactions are justified because the issue is so big.

What small events push your buttons? Is there grief hiding under your anger?

Laura Lewis-Barr is a Development Dimensions International Certified trainer and a Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Certified trainer. Laura has been teaching communication skills for over 15 years. Her specialties include: dynamic presentation skills, emotional intelligence, time management, conflict resolution, and customer service.

On December 6, 2001 my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He had his first chemotherapy treatment a few days later and spent his last Christmas in a hospital bed. He made me promise to have Christmas as usual for our five year old daughter. I will never forget being in our basement on Christmas Eve, after having put out the milk and cookies for Santa, crying and wrapping, lamenting, “I can’t do this! What do I know about this? I’m Jewish”.

Although my husband has been dead for seven years, we still celebrate Christmas, along with all of the Jewish holidays. As the Jewish holiday of Hanukah is also celebrated in December, on Christmas Eve I have a Chrismukah dinner. Instead of mashed potatoes, I serve latkes, potato pancakes, aka round hash browns. For dessert, along with the Christmas goodies, there is suganyot – an Israeli jelly doughnut, another Hanukah treat. The kids play dreidel, a traditional Hanukah game which involves a spinning top and a pile of gold chocolate coins (or money). My friend’s daughter had so much fun playing dreidel at our house, the following year she asked Santa to bring her a dreidel for Christmas.

I have to say that one of the things I like most about celebrating Christmas is that it allows me to feel included. It is no longer “their’ holiday. Now it is my holiday too. I can participate in the fun and the excitement of the season. I can talk to strangers on the street about getting the tree up, the shopping, and the wrapping. It has created a larger community for me.

I share a story in Road to Respect about an experience I had a number of years ago when delivering Respectful Workplace training to a group of municipal employees. I was talking about how human rights are about the recognition of differences and the balancing of rights. One participant commented that, in her opinion, the balance was getting skewed in the “wrong” direction. Now, this is a comment I hear quite often. I asked her if she could share an example of what she meant. She said that she was really upset because the municipality had decided that employees could no longer say Merry Christmas, as that might offend some of their clients. In the discussion that followed, it became obvious that this was an issue that had touched a nerve for a lot of people, regardless of ethnicity.

This is an example of what can go wrong in the well intentioned interest of recognizing difference and wanting to be respectful of that difference. It is true that not everyone in our multi-cultural country celebrates Christmas - and it is important to acknowledge that. However, in the workplace, this acknowledgment must be part of a broader, clearly communicated strategy to promote a respectful, inclusive culture. In a North American workplace, this culture clearly includes a celebration of Christmas. If that is not recognized, an employer risks promoting divisiveness and alienation rather than inclusion and acceptance.

I suggest using the Chrismukah approach to send a message of inclusiveness to all employees. In the December/January “holiday season” some employees may celebrate Christmas. Some employees may celebrate Hanukah. Some may celebrate Bodhi Day, Eid-Ul-Adha, Oshogatsu, or the Birthday of Guru Gobind Singh. In a multi-cultural environment, it is respectful and appropriate to demonstrate awareness of all of these different holidays and to acknowledge them. You can model respect by involving employees in discussions about the holiday season, as well as asking for their input and creative energy for your festivities.

I do not believe that the fact that I celebrate Christmas in any way diminishes my identity as a Jew. Rather, it has promoted commonality with others, while encouraging a renewed interest in my own ethnic traditions and culture.

In a respectful workplace culture, the goal is to promote respect for, and recognition of, the unique differences that each individual employee brings to the workplace. Adopting a proactive strategy to acknowledge and learn about each other’s traditions and celebrations provides employers with a wonderful opportunity to foster more harmonious, collaborative, and productive work relationships. These types of relationships will translate into bottom line results and give employers the competitive edge that they need in today’s diverse and competitive business environment.

Erica Pinsky, B.A., M.Sc, CHRP, is an engaging and inspirational speaker, author and consultant working with organizations to build respectful and inclusive workplace cultures that attract and retain quality employees. Creative, dynamic and results oriented, Erica is passionate about promoting workplace cultures where employees feel engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs in an environment free from discrimination, harassment, bullying and destructive conflict. Erica’s new book, Road to Respect, Path to Profit gives companies a road map to success in today’s challenging business climate.

Respect from Within

In August, the city of Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson held a three-day Sustainable Cleveland 2019 Summit.  It was very engaging and high-energy, and there was a predominance of like-minded thinkers in the room, which made generating goals/objectives and then defining the prototypes and/or initial action steps to achieve them pretty easy.

Without going into detail, there are a number of things that can be done in the near future—harvesting the “low-hanging fruit”—that will move Cleveland toward being more sustainable. In the long term, however, we will need to be on a different level of thinking that Einstein referred to when he said, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” Creativity and the subsequent innovations will be the key to becoming sustainable as a region. This is no different than in business where sustainability has become the key driver for creativity and innovation.

Achieving that different level of thinking to ensure our sustainability as a region will require marrying diverse ideas, even diametrically opposed ones, not homogenous ones. Strength is built from differences. Having different ideas is a prerequisite, but how we bring those different ideas together is what’s important. It’s not about compromise, which in essence is 1+1=1½—both sides giving up something; it’s about synergy—combining those ideas resulting in something greater than the sum of the two ideas would have produced (1+1>2).

The key to synergizing is the openness of the participants to engage those who have ideas different from their own. Your openness is a function of your internal self-esteem, i.e., your self-respect. The more well-grounded you are from within, the more willing you are to allow your ideas to be morphed into something else during the synergizing process. Even just empathically listening to someone’s idea that differs from your own requires you to have that internal respect.

But when was the last time someone walked up to you with an idea that totally opposed yours and you thought it was great that they saw it differently? People who have internal respect will look to engage those with ideas different from their own.

That’s not going to be true if your worth comes from outside of yourself, for example, having a need to be right. You will want your ideas to be used; otherwise, you will feel less worthy, and you will work to prevent that from happening possibly at a cost to the good of the masses and, therefore, our sustainability.

Respecting yourself from within opens doors to the creativity and innovation that’s going to be needed if an organization, city, society, nation or world is going to be sustainable.

David Cowen recently retired as the Public Affairs Manager for The Lubrizol Corporation where part of his role was to help define Lubrizol’s approach to sustainability. Dave facilitated Lubrizol University workshops on interpersonal skills and diversity. In the community, Dave also facilitated workshops on leadership, human effectiveness, and time management, and strategic planning for non-profits. Using his cumulative experiences, he is writing a book on personal sustainability.

We will continue to provide the most current information on diversity and respect in the workplace through our posts. Our contributors will still represent a multitude of workplace perspectives. And now, we will be connected to a larger audience. We look forward to seeing you there!

Unfortunately, too many times this gets out of hand. There are serious legal consequences to be aware of concerning the service of alcohol. Of utmost importance, keep in mind that there is a high level of responsibility. Some companies do not allow alcohol at their holiday parties because over-imbibing can lead to a whole host of inappropriate results. Some alcohol induced behavior could be construed as sexual harassment or bullying. At lunch, wine or wine spritzers are usually safe drinks. Nonetheless, it is always a good idea to remember what your particular level of tolerance is and to stay within a reasonable state of sobriety.

At office parties, a very basic but fundamental rule of business etiquette is that at all times - during working hours or not - you are representing the company for which you work. Sloppy behavior, physical and/or verbal, has no place in a civilized world. This is not to say that merriment has no place. Awareness of one’s limitations for consuming alcohol is really no different than limitations for anything else. How much fatty or sugary food we eat, how much we drink, how much personal information we impart or even what topics of discussion we chose all require a good sense of judgment. Alcohol, too often, clouds our ability to make appropriate choices. The question then is how do we make a plan, while still sober, to avoid making a terrible gaff?

There are some simple steps one can take. Try drinking a glass of water in between cocktails or glasses of wine. Consider having weaker drinks when going out. Avoid carbonated beverages. These can speed up intoxication. If you want to enjoy a rum and coke, make it with half the rum as usual. If you want to carry on at home, that is your business. But you are still a reflection and extension of your professional life even when at home. The bottom line is that there really is no time when being intoxicated is without consequence.

At dinner parties or dinner dances where drinking goes on for an extended period of time, make sure you have arranged for safe transportation home. Pace yourself so you do not end up regretting any of your actions from the evening. Many wonderful moments are enhanced with a glass of ‘oh be joyful’. Responsible drinking is not in danger of prohibition. Respect for our fellow man must not be either. Learn to drink responsibly and be sure to teach your children how to when they become young adults. A drunken person can become a lethal weapon. Let’s treat alcohol with the respect it deserves. Only then will we be able to respect each other and ourselves as well.

Jay Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He lives in St. Andrews, NB, Canada. E-mail your etiquette questions to jay@etiquetteguy.com and visit his website at www.etiquetteguy.com.

One hundred years later a lot of questions are being asked about the difference those leaders have made and whether or not the interests of society have indeed been respected.  The gap between rich and poor has grown increasingly wide, as has the gap between executive compensation and the wage of working men and women.  Ethical values seem to have been replaced by egotism, narcissism and greed.

In the face of the economic meltdown, a group of Harvard MBA students decided it might be time for a change. They started asking some questions:  What would we want our class to be remembered for? What should our legacy be? What can we do to ensure that MBA becomes synonymous with integrity, professionalism and leadership? From those questions the MBA oath was born.

The oath is a voluntary pledge which MBA students interested in “creating value responsibly and ethically” are invited to sign. It is intended to provide a foundation of ethical practice for business leaders, much as the Hippocratic oath does for medical doctors. The idea, according to Max Anderson, one of the members of the group at Harvard that initiated the MBA Oath, is  “… to begin a widespread movement of MBAs who aim to lead in the interests of the greater good and who have committed to living out the principles articulated in the oath.”

Within weeks 450 Harvard MBA students, half of the graduating class, as well as over 1000 MBA graduates from schools in 115 countries, speaking 49 different languages, signed on. There have been requests to have the oath translated into German, French, Spanish, Icelandic and Norwegian. Columbia Business School has something similar to the oath, an honour code for the business grads, in place for the last 3 years. Here in Canada the University of Ottawa just introduced their version of the Harvard MBA oath. It appears that this is an idea that is catching on.

In this age of corporate greed and financial rip offs a la Bernie Madoff, should we really be surprised by this interest in a return to values based leadership?  I think not. One of the values you will find enumerated in both the Harvard and the U of Ottawa oath is respect. Respect is universally recognized as an ethical value.  When respect is embraced as a core cultural value and becomes embedded in all business practices, the result is a business model that demands ethical behaviour and ethical leadership, which inevitably spills over from the workplace to impact society at large. 

Business students that are graduating today are looking for more in their careers than the on ramp to financial success. Like their Generation Y peers, they have an interest in ethical conduct and corporate social responsibility. According to those in the know in business schools, this is not a passing fad, but a trend that is gaining momentum and is here to stay. 

As I argue in my book Road to Respect: Path to Profit, having a values based culture where respect is a embraced as a core cultural value ensures that business is in a  position to attract and retain the best and brightest talent in today’s marketplace. Graduates that have signed the MBA oath will be interested in workplaces that will offer them the opportunity to walk the talk of ethical, respectful leadership.      

What will they experience when they come and work for you?  Will they see their values reflected in your corporate culture, in your business practices?  Will your culture ensure they stay, or encourage them to look elsewhere for that opportunity to make a difference? 

Tomorrow’s leaders are looking for opportunities today. Why not become their employer of choice. Create a respectful workplace culture. Give them the chance to make a difference. We will all be the richer for it.      

Erica Pinsky, B.A., M.Sc, CHRP, is an engaging and inspirational speaker, author and consultant working with organizations to build respectful and inclusive workplace cultures that attract and retain quality employees. Creative, dynamic and results oriented, Erica is passionate about promoting workplace cultures where employees feel engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs in an environment free from discrimination, harassment, bullying and destructive conflict. Erica’s new book, Road to Respect, Path to Profit gives companies a road map to success in today’s challenging business climate.

Everyone Can Understand What It Means To Be A Minority

Many times diversity trainers find it difficult to connect with an audience comprised mostly of white males. Not surprising since white males who are in the majority are not used to being stereotyped like a minority – right? Kinda. While it is true that white males do not understand what it is like to be anything other than what they are – white males, they can understand what it means to be stereotyped. You – the trainer or executive – can help them remember, and in doing so increase their comfort level with and curiosity about diversity-related issues at work.

This became clear to me many years ago while working for a major international consulting firm in Atlanta. One summer evening I went to a local watering hole to socialize with several colleagues. It was always a fun scene given the sheer diversity found in midtown Atlanta. This particular evening I gave in to the hot temperature and wore a t-shirt instead of the collared shirt I’d worn all day.

The bartender approached me, took my order and asked me what I was up to that evening. I replied that I was meeting friends who had yet to arrive. When he returned a few minutes later with my drink, he said “I think your friends are here” and he pointed to a booth in the back where a group of men were being seated. They were obnoxious-looking skinheads. “Those aren’t my friends,” I replied politely and continued to wait on my colleagues. The bartender moved away in embarrassment.

Here is the punch line: I am a white male who happens to have a shaved head, earrings and several visible tattoos.

The bartender honestly thought the skinheads were my buddies. He succumbed to the power of stereotypes. He never once associated me with the idea of “prestigious business consultant” or other related ideas. In that moment I felt odd, bad really. I felt stigmatized simply because someone felt I belonged to a group which I personally deemed reprehensible. Nonetheless, it afforded me one interesting moment to be a part of a very distinct minority. In fact, a minority considered a reprehensible “out group” by most in society. I had never honestly thought of that association before, but that evening it haunted me. I wondered if everyone in the place was thinking the same thing as the bartender. When my colleagues finally arrived, I felt rescued. I knew that everyone would see me as an acceptable professional given who I was associating with – a bunch of well dressed professionals.

Then I looked at one of my colleagues, who was Latino, and realized that he probably could not shake the stereotype placed on him as easily as I had.

Dr. Todd Dewett is a business professor, author, consultant and speaker specializing in leadership and organizational life. As quoted in the New York Times, BusinessWeek, the Chicago Tribune, MSNBC and elsewhere. His new book is Leadership Redefined. Find out more at drdewett.com. Copyright 2009 TVA Inc.

The class was filled with diverse learners: students, staff, faculty and regular folks from the community like me, interested in increasing diversity awareness and cultural competency. Yet with all of these varied personal experiences competing, we were able to create meaningful dialogue and learn a few things in the process. Did you know that military families were horrified when the KIA car company was introduced because the name also means killed in action?

It’s often the information that we don’t consciously think about and that others don’t know that provide such interesting dialogue revelations. Several months ago I wrote a post about taking the point of view of others and what I learned from having a candid discussion about race with one of my closest friends, who also happens to be African-American, although knowing her she’d probably just like me to refer to her as black.

Dialogue, as I learned from my friend and now my recent class, is probably the most important factor in creating and sustaining respectful and diverse relationships, especially in the workplace. Honest and candid dialogue among peers and colleagues allows us to learn more than we, as individuals can know on our own.

But before we rush in, here are a few guidelines to consider when creating respectful dialogue:

• Share your perspectives, listen to the perspectives of others, notice and respect differences and   seek to understand them.

• Acknowledge and inquire with interest about the perspectives of others.

• Inquire about and seek to understand the assumptions of others.

• Suspend debate and the need to prove the other person wrong.

• Understand and share your assumptions.