Respectful Management of Difference at Work

Have you ever had something happen to you at work that made you so upset you burst into tears?

The likelihood of you answering yes to that question is directly related to whether you check the male or female box on a census form. Without getting too caught up in the whole Women Are from Venus and Men are from Mars debate, past the age of 12, before which crying is still a gender neutral activity, women tend to cry more than men. While both men and women get angry, discouraged and frustrated, they tend to express those emotions differently. Men may yell, and scream or punch the wall. Women cry.

According to Martha Stewart, crying at work is a career limiting move. As she told one of the women on the losing team on The Apprentice some years back “Cry and you are out of here. Women in business don’t cry, my dear.”

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I had a strange dream this morning. I was helping a new employee who had just been hired in our department. We worked comfortably together but then, at the end of the workday (as can happen in dreams), I suddenly realized that this new worker was actually a former colleague. How did I not recognize her?

In the past my former co-worker, “Cathy,” had caused great disruption and chaos in our department. She had felt like an adversary to many of us. But since I had no recollection of this in my dream, we began our “first” day at work together with ease and collegiality. My dream-state-temporary-amnesia allowed me to treat Cathy with warmth. If I had recognized her, our interaction would have been much different.

How many conflicts could be averted if we had selective amnesia with our rivals or foes? Our conversations would then be free of the tiny microexpressions and unconscious vocal tones that send out defensive messages (despite our best intentions). The problem is, our brain scrutinizes our environment for threats and then sears these threat-memories deep into our mind– for our protection. Our brain doesn’t want us to have amnesia precisely because we would then be more vulnerable to dangers around us.

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Did you know August is “Win with Civility” month? Well, neither did I until I stumbled on this informative blog post on the importance of workplace civility initiatives.

Apparently civility, like respect in the workplace or lack of it, is a hot issue nowadays. Recently, while listening to the morning show of a local radio station, my ears perked up when the announcers asked listeners what their biggest pet peeves of co-workers were.  The phone lines were ablaze with listeners calling in to tell tales of co-workers gone awry. Everything from fellow employees clipping fingernails in the office and leaving them in common areas to the more obvious gossipers and backstabbers were mentioned.

But what about those co-workers who are actually respectful and civil at work? I think they should get as much or even more air time than those behaving badly, so I did a little online sleuthing and found the following resources for celebrating civility.

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Are you really aware of all the stereotypes you have? Probably not. Most of us aren’t. A stereotype is often defined as a simplified mental image that is held in common by members of a group. Below, learn how a morning run by Paul forced him to confront his own age-related stereotypes and how he turned it into a positive experience.

A Lesson in Stereotypes

It started out like any other July morning. Well, any other July morning that’s 64 degrees - but that’s another story. Anyway, it was a great morning for a run, and I intended to get a good one in. I woke up at 5:30, got the coffee maker set for Kim, slipped on my shorts and running shoes, and quietly slipped out the garage door so as not to wake the kids. Ah, the cool morning air was magnificent and I immediately began stretching my legs and back. I checked my watch, made a mental note of my intended route (about 4.3 miles) and off I went.
 
I could immediately tell that I was going to be on a record pace…at least for me. I really hadn’t been running long - about 3 months - and I was already down to about an 8 ½ minute mile. As I passed the one mile point, I checked my watch. 8 minutes…I was jamming! As I turned right out of our development and headed up the hill on Bainbridge Rd., I immediately caught sight of three older men, also out for a run. I estimated by their looks (and their rather dated running attire), that they were probably in their mid-sixties. They were jogging along, casually chatting and laughing away. “How cool is that”, I thought. Never too old to exercise and stay in shape!

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