Comments on: Forms of Address – More Informal, More Familiar – Not Appropriate

By: A. C. Metcalf

A. C. Metcalf — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 17:47:53 +0000

I will be 70 years of age on my next birthday. Although they are welcome to, even some of my co-workers will not call me by my first name, and yet…

I had an appointment at a dentist’s office for the very first time yesterday. On the Registration form there was an item inquiring ‘what would you prefer to be called?’ or something like that. Thinking, “at last, I get a choice in the matter!” I wrote in “Ms. Metcalf.” (So many office people, especially in medical offices, are making the unilateral decision that using the first name is more “friendly” but they are not “friendly” enough to provide their services for free and since I am paying I consider the process a formal business arrangement as opposed to a visit between mutual “friends.” )

At any rate, subsequently, the receptionist called me “Ms. Metcalf” one time, then the dental assistant called me by my first name, and the receptionist made it a point to use my first name only on my next appointment card and in the two E-Mails sent to me the same day.

It appeared they were in effect telling me that they chose not to grant me the type of respect that using an honorific and my last name would imply.

I once had an optometrist introduce himself to me as “Doctor” whatever, then proceed to ask me how to pronounce my first name and to go on to use my first name.

Oddly enough, my primary care doctor, my ophthalmologist, and my oncologist–and their respective staffs–all call me Ms. Metcalf and have done so for years. I’ve also noted that the bank, power companies, and telephone company personnel also stick with the last name, so why is it so difficult for some?

By: Melody

Melody — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:52:42 +0000

I agree with Jay on the point of getting the name right. My name is commonly mispronounced as “Melanie”. Even while working retail with a name tag that clearly had my name spelled, people got my name incorrect. Even my neighbor who I have known for almost 10 years mispronounces my name!

While thinking about the lady’s comment in Jay’s posting, I wonder if doctors’ offices have gone to first name only due to privacy practices? It’s harder to identify someone by their first name than their last name or using both.

On a similiar note – I took my youngest daughter to an orthopaedic dr to have a cast removed. When we entered the office, we were directed to a computer to sign in and given a “beeper” – one like you get at a restaurant. When it was my turn to register her, they called our number and then the beeper went off when it was our turn to see the dr. I think that’s more disrespectful. I’d rather be called by my first name than be a number.

By: Bruce Kulgowski

Bruce Kulgowski — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:09:49 +0000

I agree with David Cowen, as you can see my name is always said incorrectly. Most European names all the letteres are said. I tell people where I come from its the same as Smith. Most Americans if its not Jones, Smith, or Johnson can not pronounce a name. Shame on anyone that doesn’t at least try!

By: David Cowen

David Cowen — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:20:43 +0000

I would like to offer a perspepctive on why people use first names over last names, and this, by no means, makes it correct because it’s not. I go through great pains to use a person’s last name and to get it pronounced correctly. The reason I do that is that I have a 5-letter last name, and 90+% of people mispronounce it. The chances of mispronouncing a first name are less than a last name in the majority of cases (the global society will affect that). People opt for the first name because they fear being wrong and getting corrected. The reason they do that is that they are not well-grounded from within (low self-esteem /self-respect from within). So rather than possibly butchering a name, they keep themselves “intact” while sacrificing a show of respect to another. And since they do that for tough names, they do it for easy names to be consistent; again, keeping themselves intact.

By: Brendalee Harris

Brendalee Harris — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:44:23 +0000

You are old and antiquated…and speaking my language! I feel it’s disrespectful when you don’t give your elder the courtesy of addressing them correctly. Even when given permission to call my elder (not necessarily elderly or senior in age) by his/her first name, I usually say “Ms./Mr._____”. They usually take it in stride when I explain that it’s not disobedience on my part, but respect for them. It’s even more critical in a professional setting because we are such a global society that liberties that we take in America just don’t fly abroad. And we are doing business more often than not with our global neighbors every day in every way. Bottom line, if we are not doing it, how can we teach our children to do?!!!