Comments on: Women Bullying Women? – Not in a Respectful Workplace http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/2009/05/27/women-bullying-women-%e2%80%93-not-in-a-respectful-workplace/ Thu, 17 May 2012 20:01:35 +0000 hourly 1 By: Erica Pinsky http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/2009/05/27/women-bullying-women-%e2%80%93-not-in-a-respectful-workplace/#comment-227 Erica Pinsky Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:46:04 +0000 http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/blog/?p=101#comment-227 Thanks for your comment Agnes and sorry I didn't see it sooner. You have learned the key lesson in self-respect - to speak up for ourselves. A job cannot ever be as important as either our health or our self-esteem. Thanks for your comment Agnes and sorry I didn’t see it sooner. You have learned the key lesson in self-respect – to speak up for ourselves. A job cannot ever be as important as either our health or our self-esteem.

]]> By: Agnes Hill http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/2009/05/27/women-bullying-women-%e2%80%93-not-in-a-respectful-workplace/#comment-226 Agnes Hill Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:44:47 +0000 http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/blog/?p=101#comment-226 Hi: If got to this article is because I was searching for “Respectful Communication”. Reading these lines it makes me realize some points I forgot about human behavior as envy, rudeness, fear and egocentricity. In the past days I was enforced to introduce a concern of Harassment toward my direct Supervisor who is a woman. I noticed Mrs. X always uses demining comments of alls colleagues and have a very active gossip club, of course, always on their back. In the beginning I didn’t pay too much attention thinking to myself it is her personality and have to respect that. Nevertheless, with the time it really became a concern due the comments and the behavior begun to be more aimed toward my person. I noticed mocking adjectives introducing me to others, discriminating me to participate in social events and even trying to help others. This kind of practice really bothers me when she started to create a very hostile environment, influencing others co-workers to have the same position. Although all the mentioned points, I continued to accomplish all my tasks, avoiding unnecessary conversations and situations, just letting go those facts to keep away any confrontation. With the months I noticed that every time I had to suggest or make any comment she begun to accuse me of aggressiveness to the point I had to talk with her Supervisor exposing the lack of a normal communication with this person. As you can imagine, that didn’t help at all. The day she had to leave office for surgery, she assigns me all the responsibilities and duties, naming other person as acting Supervisor. Honestly I didn’t care, was a happy period for me, a lot of work but with no stress, just doing my job as best as I could. Last Monday, as soon she entered the room the first phrase I heard was “it seems you are not happy to see me” only because I didn’t pay to much enthusiasm (hugging and staring at her) with my greeting. Since then I think she begins to find any excuse to start a confrontation. Two days after in a middle of a conversation she started to elevate the tone, accusing me of being aggressive. In several times I invite her to stop the conversation and talk it over later but she got to the point of threaten me. Immediately she scheduled a meeting with the bosses. I can’t tell you all the stress this situation puts on me, I couldn’t find any other option but seek for help to Human Resources which only invite me to talk about it in some opportunity. Thankfully, in the meeting with our bosses we try to clear some hostility but for sure the letter I sent to HR stopped her to go farther with her claim against me. What I have learned from this situation is to STOP THE BULLYING from the beginning, if you don’t feel comfortable with some behavior or words the best way is to talk about it with the appropriate channels, perhaps this will have a very high cost socially and even the price will be your job, but the cost of a healthier state of mind is more worthy for sure. Hi:
If got to this article is because I was searching for “Respectful Communication”. Reading these lines it makes me realize some points I forgot about human behavior as envy, rudeness, fear and egocentricity. In the past days I was enforced to introduce a concern of Harassment toward my direct Supervisor who is a woman.

I noticed Mrs. X always uses demining comments of alls colleagues and have a very active gossip club, of course, always on their back. In the beginning I didn’t pay too much attention thinking to myself it is her personality and have to respect that.

Nevertheless, with the time it really became a concern due the comments and the behavior begun to be more aimed toward my person. I noticed mocking adjectives introducing me to others, discriminating me to participate in social events and even trying to help others. This kind of practice really bothers me when she started to create a very hostile environment, influencing others co-workers to have the same position.

Although all the mentioned points, I continued to accomplish all my tasks, avoiding unnecessary conversations and situations, just letting go those facts to keep away any confrontation. With the months I noticed that every time I had to suggest or make any comment she begun to accuse me of aggressiveness to the point I had to talk with her Supervisor exposing the lack of a normal communication with this person. As you can imagine, that didn’t help at all.

The day she had to leave office for surgery, she assigns me all the responsibilities and duties, naming other person as acting Supervisor. Honestly I didn’t care, was a happy period for me, a lot of work but with no stress, just doing my job as best as I could.

Last Monday, as soon she entered the room the first phrase I heard was “it seems you are not happy to see me” only because I didn’t pay to much enthusiasm (hugging and staring at her) with my greeting. Since then I think she begins to find any excuse to start a confrontation. Two days after in a middle of a conversation she started to elevate the tone, accusing me of being aggressive. In several times I invite her to stop the conversation and talk it over later but she got to the point of threaten me.
Immediately she scheduled a meeting with the bosses. I can’t tell you all the stress this situation puts on me, I couldn’t find any other option but seek for help to Human Resources which only invite me to talk about it in some opportunity.

Thankfully, in the meeting with our bosses we try to clear some hostility but for sure the letter I sent to HR stopped her to go farther with her claim against me.

What I have learned from this situation is to STOP THE BULLYING from the beginning, if you don’t feel comfortable with some behavior or words the best way is to talk about it with the appropriate channels, perhaps this will have a very high cost socially and even the price will be your job, but the cost of a healthier state of mind is more worthy for sure.

]]> By: Erica Pinsky http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/2009/05/27/women-bullying-women-%e2%80%93-not-in-a-respectful-workplace/#comment-225 Erica Pinsky Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:36:52 +0000 http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/blog/?p=101#comment-225 Mimi, I am sorry to hear of your experience, which is unfortunatly all too typical of how these situations are handled. Bullying is a a power based behaviour intended to intimidate and control and it produces that environment of fear. I have had situations where an Executive Director had someone on his staff that exhibited bullying behaviors, and in this case, unlike most she bullied up as well as down. Even though he had the power , he was afraid and unsure of what to do. I believe it is only through exposing the destructive and costly nature of this behavior to the organizational bottom line that will help get employers to realize the importance of dealing with it. We also need awareness to empower those that might be targeted to be able to recognize what is happening and do something to save themselves. Often that means quitting if it continues unchecked, as there are no other options if management does not take action as happened in your case. Mimi, I am sorry to hear of your experience, which is unfortunatly all too typical of how these situations are handled. Bullying is a a power based behaviour intended to intimidate and control and it produces that environment of fear. I have had situations where an Executive Director had someone on his staff that exhibited bullying behaviors, and in this case, unlike most she bullied up as well as down. Even though he had the power , he was afraid and unsure of what to do. I believe it is only through exposing the destructive and costly nature of this behavior to the organizational bottom line that will help get employers to realize the importance of dealing with it. We also need awareness to empower those that might be targeted to be able to recognize what is happening and do something to save themselves. Often that means quitting if it continues unchecked, as there are no other options if management does not take action as happened in your case.

]]> By: Mimi http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/2009/05/27/women-bullying-women-%e2%80%93-not-in-a-respectful-workplace/#comment-224 Mimi Mon, 01 Jun 2009 12:45:55 +0000 http://www.respectfulworkplace.com/blog/?p=101#comment-224 I have been a victim of a woman bully. Unfortunately, it was swept under the rug. Nothing was done to the bully, in fact this particular individual is still allowed to work as nothing has happened. My supervisor and manager both are aware of the situation and frankly they both have turned a blind eye to it. They both didn't acknowledge that this individual should have been disciplined. They are so afraid of this individual that they decided that they would address it as a group when in fact it was not a group issue. They decided that it would be better than actually confronting this individual head on. I was disappointed in how it was handled and now this individual is now buddy, buddy with the manager. She is all smiles because once again she was not put in her place. I have been a victim of a woman bully. Unfortunately, it was swept under the rug. Nothing was done to the bully, in fact this particular individual is still allowed to work as nothing has happened. My supervisor and manager both are aware of the situation and frankly they both have turned a blind eye to it. They both didn’t acknowledge that this individual should have been disciplined. They are so afraid of this individual that they decided that they would address it as a group when in fact it was not a group issue. They decided that it would be better than actually confronting this individual head on. I was disappointed in how it was handled and now this individual is now buddy, buddy with the manager. She is all smiles because once again she was not put in her place.

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